Reply to SILs expect me to be one of MIL's caregivers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it wasn’t until my father died that I understood the complexity of it. And he was in his 80s.  I was then very tuned in and ready to help anyone because I went through it.

When I was in my late 20s, a friend’s Dad died and I now know how unsupportive I was because I was inexperienced in life & death.  I am a caring person but so unaware.  [/quote]

Some insights can only be gained through life experience. That is why we should respect elders, and their hard earned wisdom. [/quote]

Wise elders make plans where they don't end up leaving children to resent eachother. Also, Alzheimers is a beast and it's definitely not dealing with a wise elder. It is truly exhausting changing the diapers, sometimes dealing with tantrums and keeping the person safe. I've been there. My other parent snapped and became abusive. Much better to have the person in Memory care and visit there in our case.[/quote]

Of course prior poster was not referring to the patient. You sound defensive. Just concurring that some lessons need to be learned first hand. [/quote]

We learn these lessons in our 40s and 50s caring for our parents. I don't consider that elderly.[/quote]

You're kind of young to be doing the family hierarchy thing. I'm 43, and hope I have mutual respect with my family members. I certainly don't demand or expect that someone will think I have special powers because I've been on the planet 10 years longer. That kind of thinking is the foundation of family dysfunction.

NP. You don't need to be "elderly" to be "an elder." My 44yo sister is my elder sister. She has more life experience than I do. She's not always right and I don't always listen to her, but it's a fact that she's been on this planet for 10 years longer than me.[/quote][/quote]

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