Reply to How did you not kill each other during the baby years?!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I married a guy who takes initiative.[/quote]

This. I married someone who is hardworking, supportive, independently take initiative, and is a good caretaker. I could have married men who were higher earning or in more prestigious careers, but I decided to prioritize other things. I know that this post is not helpful to the OP, so I will try to follow up with more constructive suggestions. It helps to agree to specific tasks and division of labor. Like you, will take care of baby from hours of 8 PM - 1 AM and he will take care from 1 AM to 8 AM or whatever works if you are nursing. Good luck. [/quote]

I married someone like that too and we both slightly downshifted our careers before having kids (Biglaw to government) and yet I still 100% wanted to kill him at times during the first year. Especially with the first kid. Sleep deprivation is no joke. Neither of our kids were good sleepers for the first 6 months. And there's so much more stuff with a baby and it was really hard for us to adjust to not having personal time.

Agree that specific tasks and division of labor help a lot, and making them not optional. Also, division of labor as the PP describes, so you can each get more sleep. There's no point to both being awake at the same time past 9 pm and then also up with the baby.

And the biggest thing is don't let him get away with saying he needs uninterrupted sleep because he's working and you're home with the baby. Unless someone will die if he's sleep-deprived - ie he is a pilot, surgeon, cop - he can deal with sleep deprivation alongside you. I stayed home several months with each kid and DH did the same and we both agreed that working was far easier than staying home. At least you can go to the bathroom in peace at the office.[/quote]

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