Reply to SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe the purse was too heavy Op. Should  she have given it back to you? So she sold it to buy something better suited for her. Have you never wanted something and then it arrived and it wasn’t for you? Everyone knows you don’t have to go to all of the showers and bring gifts for each one. You sound bitter and weird. You don’t dictate how a person uses a gift and maybe she’s short on money due to time off work for the baby and sells items no longer needed. My DDs preschool holds a yearly consignment sale and I make extra $ selling things that I bought or were gifted to me. I donate some too. Buy some baby shampoo for SIL as a gift and move on. [/quote]

OP here. A bit more context - it was a LV Neverfull that she HAD to have. Her mother even got involved and suggested that "we" should get it for her. Her mom chipped in less than $100 (because that's what she could afford to contribute. Fine. I didn't have an issue w/that. But I share this piece of info because SIL was making such a fuss that the whole family knew she wanted this bag that even her mom was trying to figure out how to get it for her. So we got it the year she was pregnant with #1 that coincided with a milestone birthday with the added bonus that "it can be used as a diaper bag.") Less than a year later I never saw it again and her mother mentioned how she sold it because "it was too heavy for her." To my knowledge, she did not replace it with anything comparable. Yes, maybe she needed the money. Maybe it was too heavy. Maybe she decided she didn't like it. It irks me. If that makes me a jerk. I'm a jerk.

I had to vent. The materialism and over consumption bugs me combined with the expectation that people will buy her things that she won't or can't buy herself.  [/quote]

I got a Burberry bag I wanted to use as a diaper bag and it was also too heavy. It is collecting dust in my closet.

I don’t think your SIL is at fault here and she is allowed to do with a gift after gift is given. You and the rest of the family should not have given her the bag if it was out of your budget. I don’t think wanting a bag for a milestone birthday is a big deal. Cheaper than a trip.[/quote]

OP here. The NF was not out of my budget and none of my previous gifts have been. At one point I was happy to be able to buy her things that she expressed a desire for but it's gotten to the point where it feels like she come to expects it (from me and others) and it irks me. [b]I like to give gifts. I like to be generous.[/b] But it feels like the generosity is expected or taken advantage of. Case in point, we have the stokke tripp trapp chairs. She had never seen or heard of them before visiting us and she has no interest in the fact that pediatric dietitians recommend them or even because of the aesthetics of them.  I'd wager a bet that if they were from IKEA or cost under $100 she would not have registered for it. She wants it because it's a status symbol. Another family friend offered a non-stokke grow-as-you-go version and she was direct that she'll wait to see if someone buys the stokke off of her registry before considering the pass down. She even mentioned that she knows they have a good resale value! If no one buys it off the registry, she won't be buying it for herself. I can guarantee it. I realize I'm wasting time overthinking all of this but the flagrant expectation for people to gift her new expensive gifts especially after giving away or selling previous gifts seems incredibly selfish.

Of course I'll be buying my future nephew or niece gifts but I've decided to buy off registry and buy something for the child not something that will contribute to her status conscious. [/quote]

DP.  You clearly [i]do not[/i] enjoy giving gifts and being generous because you ruminate on the receiver's motivations and reactions to your gifts.  Either stop giving gifts or give generously and let it go.  You can't consider yourself to be "generous" and then say your SIL has a "flagrant expectation for people to gift her new expensive gifts" and calling her selfish.  You can't have it both ways.[/quote]

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