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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. I counted bottles.

He had 9 IPAs last night after I went to bed. Like 8% IPAs. We talked about it today. He admitted he has a drinking problem that’s gotten progressively worse during the pandemic.

Now what? He says he plans to cut back on his own. But doesn’t want to talk to me about how. He does not seem to be able to connect the drinking to his inability to get up in the morning. Still saying he just needs more sleep than me. <insert all the the eye rolls here> He strolled downstairs close to 10am today yawning and stretching and asking if the cold coffee left in the pot is from today… or yesterday… (it was from today but cold bc I made it over 3 hours before he showed up…while I was wrangling kids, alone)

I am not well. I’m reeling. I need a book, a class, a podcast, and/or someone to talk to about this. [/quote]

22:33 here. This is a good step forward. You are both naming the problem correctly. He's an alcoholic. Cutting back on his own is not a sustainable solution though. He's probably going to have some physical withdrawals that will be pretty lousy and may send him back to the bottle. If he doesn't know where to begin, he can speak with his doctor or go to an AA meeting.

However he handles it, you need more and better support for yourself. Al-anon is a good place for you to start. There are people there who can talk to you about this and point you to reading and other resources.

FYI - identifying and making amends for the consequences of alcohol-driven behavior is not something that happens early in the recovery process. There are good reasons for this, mostly because it can create shame spirals in very vulnerable and raw people, which tends to lead to more drinking. You may have to wait until he's worked some steps before he's able to recognize the connection between the alcohol and over-sleeping and the sh*tty parenting. But, honestly, even though it's a drag, that's not the biggest problem he's facing. [/quote]

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