Reply to BIL called DH’s Mom a B****

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Whether a B or not or whether calling her a B or not, or who was right, wrong, justified, my breaking point would be both of them doing this in front of family and especially grandkids.  No matter what the circumstances, this is not what I’d want in front of family and my children, nieces or nephews.  To overlook it gives those kids the impression that it’s ok and permissible to let it happen to them in the future.[/quote]

+1. I especially don’t want my daughters raised to think it’s ok for a man to call them that word without apology, no matter what the man’s excuses are.[/quote]

NP who agrees with this. I think virtually any expression of anger/upset that wasn’t full on screaming or swearing would have been ok. You can apologize for the word choice without apologizing for your feelings. I also note OP said the MIL has apologized so I think it’s pretty fair to expect the other person to do the same for saying something unacceptable. [/quote]

Following up to say agree with everyone else saying that you can’t force an apology so focus is how to move forward. My IL are my this bad but have boundary issues and don’t expect to be criticized EVER. When I am with them my focus is providing an example to my children of what I won’t accept and how I deal with that. In the future you can speak up for your family, saying clearly you don’t accept that kind of language in front of your kids. But also discussing with your kids what their uncle could have said instead and modeling calmly saying “I don’t appreciate that” if MIL criticizes you. Or some other stock phrase- it helps me to say the same thing every time. And if you choose to reduce the  number of visits you can explain to your kids you love BIL/MIL very much but because of the way they are acting you are taking a break/doing something else. [/quote]

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