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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the child of divorced parents and there's a ton of trauma in my family that extends beyond the divorce. I refused to date guys who didn't have a divorce or something in their background. People who come from "intact" families or who have never experienced any kind of trouble in life tend to be very judgmental and smug and lack empathy.  They also don't have any kind of resilience. When life throws them a curveball, they tend to fold up like a cheap lawn chair.  They aren't good at coping with tragedy.  And life will throw trouble at you. (Look at the past 2 years!)  I didn't go out looking for partners with trauma in their background, but I inevitably found that partners without some scars were naïve and unempathetic and childish. [/quote]

Oh come on.  This is so not true.  People got through wars and trauma and all kinds of things...read Viktor Merkel's 'the meaning of life'  it was the love of his wife that kept his spirit going in the death camp.

My mother and father came from 'intact', happy marriages that suffered great tragedies---the death of her mother when she was 6 (and 3 younger brothers)---and my dad's father was in a sanatorium with TB for several years and his mother couldn't drive and didn't work.  There are generations of 'strong' happy people with good supportive families.  They know how to get through tragedy and it's hard to get through a long life without experiencing them.

You don't need a messed up family to learn to cope with tragedy and have perseverance.  In fact, may with those messed up families turn to substance abuse and other things to 'cope' as you put it.[/quote]

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