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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have enough basic respect for the person you married to not lie and cheat on her.  Either try to fix it within the marrage or if you can't, leave.  Imagine what your wife will think of herself if she finds out. Imagine what your kids will think of you or her if they find out.  Think about how this will impact your children's ability to have heathly, trusting relationships as adults if they find out.

Take care of yourself, fine. But don't f*ck it up for everyone around you.  Get a divorce and find someone more compatbale. But don't selfishly think that you having an affair is somehow the best for your relationship or family. That's just you trying to justify what you want. [/quote]

+100%

It destroyed a dear friend of mine…and two families since they were both married.[/quote]

Why is leaving better than cheating? I don't get it. Just keep the family together and take care not to get caught. If you do get caught, it's no different. Not like the wife should be surprised that he wants to get some outside of the marriage. Ridiculous.[/quote]

It’s a lot different.  Cheating makes for a much more acrimonious divorce and more psychological harm to the spouse and kids.[/quote]

If the spouse never wants to have sex, doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to change, why is there any surprise or harm or additional acrimony? I'm sorry, a spouse like OP's is just as selfish and uncommitted to the marriage. And why do the kids even need to know?[/quote]

They need to NOT lie.  If it’s come to that point : point blank, I will find a no-strings safe arrangement.  Be upfront.  The ball is then in their court to divorce, work on themselves/libido/your relationship or so “ok”.

[/quote]

Nah, that's unnecessary drama. At the point she figures out any lies, if there are any, it is over probably. But then it's over anyway. And he can say he had the secret affair because she checked out anyway. No one gets to keep the high ground in this situation.[/quote]

Wow, that’s a really elaborate way to say “I am too chickenshit to live an honest life.”[/quote]

Who cares what other people think? If OP did that, I would not think less of him, nor would any normal person capable of normal relationships. If he cheats and keeps it secret, he gets some intimacy and the family stays together. All those people cheering for divorce because it is more "honorable" are delusional, and probably justifying their own divorce.[/quote]

I am divorced. No cheating. But in this scenario if an affair can be kept secret and he never plans to leave his wife, an affair is better. His wife does not want sex anyway. However, if the marriage is not working at all, and he will leave later and if just “staying for the kids,” he should just divorce now. [/quote]

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