Anonymous wrote:Can we agree that the same person keeps starting a variation of this thread, over and over and over? Yes, it's clear.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you get on Tinder and take photos without showing your face. Say in your bio your married but in a dead bedroom looking for someone in the same position. But watch out if the other person starts having feeling for you.

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Anonymous wrote:Have enough basic respect for the person you married to not lie and cheat on her. Either try to fix it within the marrage or if you can't, leave. Imagine what your wife will think of herself if she finds out. Imagine what your kids will think of you or her if they find out. Think about how this will impact your children's ability to have heathly, trusting relationships as adults if they find out.

Take care of yourself, fine. But don't f*ck it up for everyone around you. Get a divorce and find someone more compatbale. But don't selfishly think that you having an affair is somehow the best for your relationship or family. That's just you trying to justify what you want.

+100%

It destroyed a dear friend of mine…and two families since they were both married.

Why is leaving better than cheating? I don't get it. Just keep the family together and take care not to get caught. If you do get caught, it's no different. Not like the wife should be surprised that he wants to get some outside of the marriage. Ridiculous.

It’s a lot different. Cheating makes for a much more acrimonious divorce and more psychological harm to the spouse and kids.

If the spouse never wants to have sex, doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to change, why is there any surprise or harm or additional acrimony? I'm sorry, a spouse like OP's is just as selfish and uncommitted to the marriage. And why do the kids even need to know?

They need to NOT lie. If it’s come to that point : point blank, I will find a no-strings safe arrangement. Be upfront. The ball is then in their court to divorce, work on themselves/libido/your relationship or so “ok”.

Nah, that's unnecessary drama. At the point she figures out any lies, if there are any, it is over probably. But then it's over anyway. And he can say he had the secret affair because she checked out anyway. No one gets to keep the high ground in this situation.

Wow, that’s a really elaborate way to say “I am too chickenshit to live an honest life.”

Who cares what other people think? If OP did that, I would not think less of him, nor would any normal person capable of normal relationships. If he cheats and keeps it secret, he gets some intimacy and the family stays together. All those people cheering for divorce because it is more "honorable" are delusional, and probably justifying their own divorce.

Anonymous wrote:Read the book Come As You Are and give it to your wife too. You could also ask for an open relationship.

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Anonymous wrote:Have enough basic respect for the person you married to not lie and cheat on her. Either try to fix it within the marrage or if you can't, leave. Imagine what your wife will think of herself if she finds out. Imagine what your kids will think of you or her if they find out. Think about how this will impact your children's ability to have heathly, trusting relationships as adults if they find out.

Take care of yourself, fine. But don't f*ck it up for everyone around you. Get a divorce and find someone more compatbale. But don't selfishly think that you having an affair is somehow the best for your relationship or family. That's just you trying to justify what you want.

+100%

It destroyed a dear friend of mine…and two families since they were both married.

Why is leaving better than cheating? I don't get it. Just keep the family together and take care not to get caught. If you do get caught, it's no different. Not like the wife should be surprised that he wants to get some outside of the marriage. Ridiculous.

It’s a lot different. Cheating makes for a much more acrimonious divorce and more psychological harm to the spouse and kids.

If the spouse never wants to have sex, doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to change, why is there any surprise or harm or additional acrimony? I'm sorry, a spouse like OP's is just as selfish and uncommitted to the marriage. And why do the kids even need to know?

They need to NOT lie. If it’s come to that point : point blank, I will find a no-strings safe arrangement. Be upfront. The ball is then in their court to divorce, work on themselves/libido/your relationship or so “ok”.

Nah, that's unnecessary drama. At the point she figures out any lies, if there are any, it is over probably. But then it's over anyway. And he can say he had the secret affair because she checked out anyway. No one gets to keep the high ground in this situation.

Wow, that’s a really elaborate way to say “I am too chickenshit to live an honest life.”

Who cares what other people think? If OP did that, I would not think less of him, nor would any normal person capable of normal relationships. If he cheats and keeps it secret, he gets some intimacy and the family stays together. All those people cheering for divorce because it is more "honorable" are delusional, and probably justifying their own divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Have enough basic respect for the person you married to not lie and cheat on her. Either try to fix it within the marrage or if you can't, leave. Imagine what your wife will think of herself if she finds out. Imagine what your kids will think of you or her if they find out. Think about how this will impact your children's ability to have heathly, trusting relationships as adults if they find out.

Take care of yourself, fine. But don't f*ck it up for everyone around you. Get a divorce and find someone more compatbale. But don't selfishly think that you having an affair is somehow the best for your relationship or family. That's just you trying to justify what you want.

+100%

It destroyed a dear friend of mine…and two families since they were both married.

Why is leaving better than cheating? I don't get it. Just keep the family together and take care not to get caught. If you do get caught, it's no different. Not like the wife should be surprised that he wants to get some outside of the marriage. Ridiculous.

It’s a lot different. Cheating makes for a much more acrimonious divorce and more psychological harm to the spouse and kids.

If the spouse never wants to have sex, doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to change, why is there any surprise or harm or additional acrimony? I'm sorry, a spouse like OP's is just as selfish and uncommitted to the marriage. And why do the kids even need to know?

They need to NOT lie. If it’s come to that point : point blank, I will find a no-strings safe arrangement. Be upfront. The ball is then in their court to divorce, work on themselves/libido/your relationship or so “ok”.

Nah, that's unnecessary drama. At the point she figures out any lies, if there are any, it is over probably. But then it's over anyway. And he can say he had the secret affair because she checked out anyway. No one gets to keep the high ground in this situation.

Wow, that’s a really elaborate way to say “I am too chickenshit to live an honest life.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most appealing part of this pitch to your wife will be how you desperately want to have more sex, but anyone will do.

Exactly. So unappealing, whiny, selfish, and just gross.

I think most women will be turned off from this loser.

you have nothing better to do than to insult strangers on DCUM. Who’s the loser?

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Anonymous wrote:Have enough basic respect for the person you married to not lie and cheat on her. Either try to fix it within the marrage or if you can't, leave. Imagine what your wife will think of herself if she finds out. Imagine what your kids will think of you or her if they find out. Think about how this will impact your children's ability to have heathly, trusting relationships as adults if they find out.

Take care of yourself, fine. But don't f*ck it up for everyone around you. Get a divorce and find someone more compatbale. But don't selfishly think that you having an affair is somehow the best for your relationship or family. That's just you trying to justify what you want.

+100%

It destroyed a dear friend of mine…and two families since they were both married.

Why is leaving better than cheating? I don't get it. Just keep the family together and take care not to get caught. If you do get caught, it's no different. Not like the wife should be surprised that he wants to get some outside of the marriage. Ridiculous.

It’s a lot different. Cheating makes for a much more acrimonious divorce and more psychological harm to the spouse and kids.

If the spouse never wants to have sex, doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to change, why is there any surprise or harm or additional acrimony? I'm sorry, a spouse like OP's is just as selfish and uncommitted to the marriage. And why do the kids even need to know?

They need to NOT lie. If it’s come to that point : point blank, I will find a no-strings safe arrangement. Be upfront. The ball is then in their court to divorce, work on themselves/libido/your relationship or so “ok”.

Nah, that's unnecessary drama. At the point she figures out any lies, if there are any, it is over probably. But then it's over anyway. And he can say he had the secret affair because she checked out anyway. No one gets to keep the high ground in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have enough basic respect for the person you married to not lie and cheat on her. Either try to fix it within the marrage or if you can't, leave. Imagine what your wife will think of herself if she finds out. Imagine what your kids will think of you or her if they find out. Think about how this will impact your children's ability to have heathly, trusting relationships as adults if they find out.

Take care of yourself, fine. But don't f*ck it up for everyone around you. Get a divorce and find someone more compatbale. But don't selfishly think that you having an affair is somehow the best for your relationship or family. That's just you trying to justify what you want.

+100%

It destroyed a dear friend of mine…and two families since they were both married.

Why is leaving better than cheating? I don't get it. Just keep the family together and take care not to get caught. If you do get caught, it's no different. Not like the wife should be surprised that he wants to get some outside of the marriage. Ridiculous.

It’s a lot different. Cheating makes for a much more acrimonious divorce and more psychological harm to the spouse and kids.

If the spouse never wants to have sex, doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to change, why is there any surprise or harm or additional acrimony? I'm sorry, a spouse like OP's is just as selfish and uncommitted to the marriage. And why do the kids even need to know?

They need to NOT lie. If it’s come to that point : point blank, I will find a no-strings safe arrangement. Be upfront. The ball is then in their court to divorce, work on themselves/libido/your relationship or so “ok”.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don't know if OP is a troll since this topic always goes on for pages and pages of everyone arguing the same points that are in a million threads.

But dude, just have an affair and don't get caught. And if your wife catches you, who cares? She should expect that you will want to sleep around.

And if she divorces you, then you are in the same boat you would have been in if you just divorced first. But at least you have a chance at keeping the family together.

And no one is going to see you as the bad guy, and if your wife decides to drag you through the mud, just do the same to her.

This is how I see the situation, there is no real downside to cheating since their marriage is dead anyway. But it's only a short term solution. Eventually, he will want a real relationship

divorce and get it over with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most appealing part of this pitch to your wife will be how you desperately want to have more sex, but anyone will do.

Exactly. So unappealing, whiny, selfish, and just gross.

I think most women will be turned off from this loser.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most appealing part of this pitch to your wife will be how you desperately want to have more sex, but anyone will do.

Exactly. So unappealing, whiny, selfish, and just gross.

I think most women will be turned off from this loser.