Reply to When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would take this on a case by case basis, trying to be fair, but not necessarily equal. Like if we spent 50k on our daughters wedding while our son also had a 50k wedding paid for by the brides parents, I would not be giving my son 50k. In this case they both got the same wedding, which seems fair. If I give 50k to my son in this situation, he gets a 50k wedding plus 50k. On the other hand, if the brides parents did not pay, then I would offer to pay for my sons wedding. Now, say son opts to not have a wedding, I am not giving him 50k, but some lesser amount would be fair. The 50k wedding at least I get something for my money and part of the overall expense would be for me, inviting my family, friends etc[/quote]

What if your daughter's in-laws also give them $50k and now the wedding costs $100k? But your son's in-laws are poor and can't spare any money. Will you give your son $100k to match your daughter's wedding?

I think one of the big discrepancies between posters is that some view weddings as a budget. You pay $X towards the wedding, and the son or daughter can choose how to spend it. The event is for the child and their soon to be spouse and they make the calls.

Some posters view the wedding as something they have a stake and interest in. They will invite people. They will enjoy it. They will help plan it. And more often than not, the mom gets a say in the daughter's wedding but not the daughter-in-law's wedding. So they justify the unequal treatment by putting value on their own participation and enjoyment and say "well it's not just for Larla."[/quote]
That’s why I said case by case, fair but not necessarily  equal, lol. But in your example, no I would probably not be spending 100k on my sons wedding. They still both got a wedding, it is fair enough. I have a sister and our parents paid towards both our weddings (my husbands parents chipped in too), but I have no idea if they spent the same amount. We both got a wedding, and I am not worried about everything being equal dollar for dollar. I guess I expect the same attitude from my own kids. [/quote]

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