Reply to I hate when people assume I have a ton of free time because I SAH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone's boundaries and capacities are different regardless of SAH or WOH. We all know (or are!) SAH parents who stay home precisely so they CAN be involved with the PTA, have more time for working out or working around the house, be the one who volunteers to pick up random things for the kids' classroom, etc. So it's a little rich to sneer that yes, you stay at home, but you are still omg too busy to do these things. The better tack is to graciously hold your boundary if there is ever an incorrect assumption of how you specifically choose to use your time: "I'm sorry, I'm not available to do x at y time." Don't make it a thing.[/quote]

Well said. And it's certainly reasonable to assume that a SAHM has more free time than a WOH mom![/quote]

Not if the children are under the age of 3 (or 4, depending on when they start PK). Being the full time caregiver for a 2 year old will absolutely melt your brain. The idea that it's easier for someone in that situation to do things for other people is crazy. To go back to OP's original point, imagine if you hired a nanny to care for your 2 year old and then the nanny was like "ok, but I've got a bunch of volunteer stuff to do for the PTA at my kid's school, and also I need to run some errands for some of my friends and neighbors, and pick up my sister's friends from school because she has a real job."

A 2 year old is a full time, exhausting job. Full stop. Anyone with kids, whether you SAHed or not, should know that. If you have ever spent 2-3 hours caring for a child this age, you should understand that it does not lend itself to a leisurely life of volunteer work and getting in workouts. When I was a SAHM of a child this age, I probably showered twice a week and regularly just ate cheese slices and an orange for 90% of my meals because I barely had time to take care of myself, much less do favors for friends.[/quote]

You are crazy.  Please, a 2 year old often times will nap, can be easily entertained by some pots and pans, and guess what, toss them in the stroller put in the airpods and you can make a leisurely call while your charge is entertained by squirrels and garbage trucks.[/quote]

All of that is true for most 18 month olds and not for most 2.5 year olds. Two and three year olds are exhausting.[/quote]

The difference between 24mo and age 3 was crazy to me. My just-turned-2 year old would happily play on her own for long stretches, could be entertained easily with simple toys and objects around the house, was easy to take on errands and other outings, would eat anything I gave her, etc.

My 2.5 and 3 year old hated playing on her own for any length of time ("play with me!" started out sweet and rapidly became one of my least favorite things). And because she was in the stage of trying to master independence at skills that were still relatively new, gone were the days of her just happily drawing with crayons for an hour. Instead, she'd get frustrated that her picture didn't look the way she wanted, she'd press too hard and break the crayons, she'd cry and make demands. At this age you have to do what preschool teachers do -- facilitate, listen, problem solve, encourage. It is hard and draining but it's also essential because your kid will never learn coping skills or independence if you don't do it.

And then there's potty training. Dressing themselves. The sudden onset of rejecting 90% of the food you try to serve them (it's instinctual). Ages 2/3 are, in my opinion, the toughest years of early childhood because they are the true transition from babyhood to childhood and you have to navigate it with a child who is new to everything. They've been walking for a year or so. Talking for less time than that. The concepts of feelings, judgment, conversation, etc. are all totally new and foreign to them.

There are many nannies who don't even like this age, and they get to go home at the end of the day. And they usually have much more refined skills in terms of dealing with the challenges of this age than even a parent of 3 or 4 kids. You forget too easily how hard it is. I remember having days of potty training where I cried myself to sleep because my kid was struggling so much and I honestly did not know how to help. And then she was trained and it's like it instantly became no big deal. But when you are in the middle of it, it feels like you are never going to get through it. Even when you've done it before. In fact, I think it's extra demoralizing when you run into new difficulties with a 2nd or 3rd child because you (falsely) believed you'd figured it out already, only to discover kids are different and you just got lucky in that area before.[/quote]

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