Reply to My DH does not understand what it's like to be the primary parent

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[quote=Anonymous]^^^sorry, I messed up quoting above:

To me, neither parent can just decide unilaterally that they are off duty and the other one is on duty. It doesn't matter what the off duty parent wants to do. DH can't just walk out the door at a random time and say "I'm mowing the lawn, take care of the kids for an hour, bye." It's just inconsiderate and chaotic. And it's really passive aggressive for OP to just keep sending her kids over to DH when she didn't even discuss with him ahead of time what her plan for the day was. She's basically making the kids communicate with her husband for her.

Instead of starting her project at a random time and saying repeatedly "go to dad," what they should both do is talk at the beginning of the day/weekend about what they both need/want to do that weekend and work out what the best times are.

And it doesn't sound like OP is being clear about her boundaries. It sounds like she is randomly reinforcing "boundaries," which is even worse. Sometimes she helps the kids, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes dad is on, sometimes mom is on. It all happens at random times. That's not boundaries that the kids can understand. If it's really a boundary, set it up that way. Every Saturday, mom has a time where she goes in her office, closes the door, and no one can bother her for an hour (ideally at a similar time each weekend). That's a boundary kids can understand.[/quote]

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