Reply to GF went out on ..not sure what to call it...with a random guy..advice sought

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She got asked out on a date that he tried to frame as "not a date" (just wants advice!) and turned it into not-a-date for real (bringing a girlfriend, talking about her boyfriend).  I think that your discomfort makes sense but also that you might not understand, as a guy, the layers women have to navigate to keep guys from feeling rejected when you reject them.  [b]Their kids are on a team together so she has to see him in the future and if he gets his feelings hurt he could make it extremely uncomfortable.  He could badmouth her to other parents, harass her when he sees her, stalk her, get violent, none of it is out of the realm of reality.[/b][/quote]

Exactly. If she just avoided it, he most likely would keep pushing "[i]as a friend, you can't be mad at that, I'm just asking for advice.[/i]"

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Women spend their whole lives figuring out how to gently let men down without making it awkward (or even deadly). Men can be really nasty if you don't, and she has a relationship to maintain here for her daughter's sake. [/quote]

If that guy doesn't figure out that she's not interested, he's a moron.  She took his statements at face value (he wanted her advice on dating) as a way to let him down easy.  [/quote]

Taking him at face value is how she lets him save face. It was "just as a friend." "Just for advice," so no reason not to bring along someone else, right? And she talks about you and how happy she is, but now he can pretend it was just "as a friend" and he "got his advice" from the happily partnered and gregarious woman who is, after all, "just a friend." Obviously.

This is how women have to play the game. This means he doesn't have to swallow the feeling of being rejected which, often, would be acted out on her instead of being swallowed and dealt with.[/quote]

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