Reply to GF went out on ..not sure what to call it...with a random guy..advice sought

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She got asked out on a date that he tried to frame as "not a date" (just wants advice!) and turned it into not-a-date for real (bringing a girlfriend, talking about her boyfriend).  I think that your discomfort makes sense but also that you might not understand, as a guy, the layers women have to navigate to keep guys from feeling rejected when you reject them.  Their kids are on a team together so she has to see him in the future and if he gets his feelings hurt he could make it extremely uncomfortable.  He could badmouth her to other parents, harass her when he sees her, stalk her, get violent, none of it is out of the realm of reality.[/quote]

Why didn't she bring op? [/quote]

I think bringing OP would have been a ridiculous move.  She knows this guy through her kid, not her social life.  The only reason to bring OP would be if she wanted the two of them to fight or for the guy whose kid is on her kid's sports team to be humiliated and hate her.  The way she handled it was remarkably clever - didn't box the guy into a corner where his only option was to feel like a total ass while also making it extremely clear she was not going to be accidentally trapped into going on a date with him by his ploy.

You people are so mad that women know how to handle men that you're essentially saying she's a whore for not forcing OP to handle her business for her.  It's interesting because the double bind is apparently not enough - you want a triple bind where a woman can't say yes or no and has to say "help!" so that you can turn around and call her helpless or needy or something.  [/quote]

Damn, no. The way a woman handles herself, if she doesn't want to go on a date with a guy, is to say no. YOU are making it seem like women are so overcome by the inability to decline a date, that she must orchestrate a "clever" game. No. She doesn't need to ask for help from anyone. She just needs to decline the offer.

Do you play all these clever games every time you want to avoid saying no? That sounds exhausting. 
[/quote]

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