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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I appreciate all the replies! 
I was ALWAYS one of those “kick them to the curb if they cheat” people. Until I found myself in the situation and realized that there are so many factors that make that decision less clear-cut. 
Long history of being together in a generally happy marriage. He’s my best friend. I do still love him, and I know he messed up but loves me too.
4 wonderful, well-adjusted kids. He’s an amazing dad
Close, intertwined social/family/in-law relationships
Finances (although I’m well off in my own career so this would not stand in my way).

This doesn’t mean I’m not still angry and hurt. He’s remorseful and trying very hard. Maybe I’m naive, but I don’t believe he would cheat again. We are both trying hard to make our “new” marriage as good as possible.

[b]At the moment, I don’t want to find a new date to celebrate. I don’t want to renew my vows. I think we have to earn celebrating our marriage again, with time. [/b]

My preference would be to just act like the anniversary is any other day and for it to be over quickly.  Go to work, come home, have dinner with the kids, watch a TV show and go to sleep. But I know my husband will try to do something special, so I have to make my wishes known and that will be the awkward conversation. [/quote]

NP. This is what I have thought this entire time. You don’t have to celebrate, OP. It’s okay for that to be a temporary consequence of his infidelity. Maybe an act of service for him would be to allow you to use the day however most helpful. If they is walking by a lake, being apart, together, whatever.

Roadmap your future at the pace that sustains what is good in your marriage and your family. Only you know that. It is OK to go slow, make some detours, change things or add new starts.

Don’t let his guilt and his inability to deal with his guilt, be the impetus to rush through your processing of rhis. If he does that he still doesn’t get it.

I hope you all had a good Father’s Day.[/quote]

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