Reply to Help for DW who was abused/neglected as a child and who is struggling parenting?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP. A few things here. First, your kids are in aftercare because you and DW both work. This isn't doing her a favor it's a necessity like paying the light bill. You seem to view aftercare as giving your wife a break. Not cool. Second, your kids are elementary school age. With the playground incident, surely they have the skills to solve this problem? You presented as if your wife left a toddler alone, not two elementary-aged kids. You also seem to dictate how your wife plays and interacts with the kids. You remind me of a mom who says "I want DH to play educational games" when all DH wants to do is go trow a ball around with the kids or teach the kids a hobby he loves that wife doesn't find interesting. Lastly, just because she doesn't work dosn't mean she isn't isolated. Are you really letting her do an activity or two that lights her up? Do you say "I'll take the kids while you go sailing" and then actually do it? Sounds in many ways like your wife is doing a "guy move" where Dad says "this is how we do things" and she isn't on board anymore. She deffinately has other things going on, but the dynamic in your house could be a large part of the problem"[/quote]

OP here - Thanks for your input. I'm working on finding a family therapist to address dynamics, I want to change what I can. We did couple's therapy but she didn't participate, we tried a few folks. I'm totally willing to look at how I am contributing to the problem, I sincerely just want things to be better. Re: aftercare, I don't see it as anything but childcare, I was just trying to address whether the kids were with DW for long periods alone and they are not at this time. The kids are on the very young age of elementary school, way too young to be left anywhere, never mind a public place. To do something like that due to annoyance is so out of character for the DW I have known, who is very cautious, it concerned me for the kids but also for her. I have encouraged DW to pursue old hobbies or to reconnect with old friends, she doesn't seem interested at this point. I don't know if it is the depression or what. I appreciate your suggestions and am at a loss as to why she seems to be slipping further inside herself. At the same time the dynamics are getting more chaotic, she's not just depressed and passive anymore, when there is action it's often angry, something like leaving the kids. I saw on another thread something about aggitated depression reading like anger, dunno if that could be part of it.  For those who have never had your kids ask not to be left with their other parent, it is heartbreaking. If there is help out there that can make a difference I want to get it, which is why I started the thread. There are a lot of details that I've omitted or changed, her problems are much more extensive and longstanding than I had been lead to believe. I worry that she is not on board with parenting and family life, that it stirs up too much stuff. It's very difficult. [/quote]

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