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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. 
Thanks everyone for weighing in. I appreciate all the thoughtful responses, even though I am even more confused than ever. The reason this all came to top of mind (even though I have had uneasy thoughts before mainly due to his low libido) was bc a couple of close friends commented to me in conversation yesterday that they thought it was weird that my husband was friends with this much younger guy. It got me thinking and going down the rabbit hole again.....

More than anything, I want to believe that I am just paranoid/crazy and that this is all in my head (thank you to the posters who think I'm nuts--I hope you're right!). My husband truly it such a great person that it is very possible he has just taken this young man under his wing to teach him the business.

I don't want to create trouble in my otherwise happy life, but I also don't want to have my head in the sand and be completely blindsided if he decides to leave and explore a different lifestyle in 5-10-20 years? A close friend of mine recently was blindsided by her husband's affair (hetero) and it has turned her/her family's life into a nightmare (divorce, etc.) She had no clue that anything was wrong and is now so lost. Her kids are devastated. In hindsight, she can recall red flags.

I love my husband. I want us to be together forever. I want to keep my family together. I would be so devastated, hurt, super angry if he came out. But I can't control that, can I? If he's gay, do I want to live the next 40 years with someone who is only with me for appearance/convenience and would rather be with a man? What would you all do? Better to just suck it up and be grateful?

For the previous poster who mentioned notion of what "masculinity" looks like and what constitutes "gay" behaviors--I honestly googled "signs that your husband might be gay" and went through the checklist. That's why I included the reasons that I did in my OP.

Our sex life is not great, but [b]I'd rather live with a mediocre sex life forever than find out my entire relationship/marriage was a lie.[/b] I plan to grow old and die with him.

I am having trouble functioning at work today; I have such a pit in my stomach. I just want to cry. [/quote]

Per your first post:

We are best friends
have fun together
He’s very affectionate overall (lots of hugs/kisses but not passionate)
incredibly considerate of me in every aspect of my life
likes to do stuff with me
I love him so much.

Your entire marriage/relationship is not a lie. Even if it turns out that he’s sexually attracted to men (which you don’t know is the case), you don’t treat someone like this 20 years into marriage if you don’t love them. What you have is beautiful and real even if you’re not sexually compatible. Many, many women with straight husbands don’t have nearly as happy a marriage as you have.[/quote]

OP...you are creating issues where there are not issues. I think you need to see a therapist. It sounds like you have anxiety. My dad's best friend was 20 years older. He was like a grandpa to me. You need to get a grip. Also, I was in a truly sexless marriage (like it was bad and not even once a month at the beginning and dropped off for up to 5 years). You say you love him. Stop messing up your relationship by anxious thoughts. He is religious. Nothing seems abnormal to me. You are creating issues. See a therapist to deal with your anxiety.[/quote]

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