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[quote=Anonymous]BTDT.

First, I totally relate to watching nannies at the park, playground, library, etc. while on maternity leave and thinking "Uh, no, I do not want to pay 40k a year for that." I wasn't looking for a Mary Poppins at all (I agree with PPs who advocate for some amount of benign neglect from caregivers so kids figure a lot of things out on their own). But I didn't want someone who was going to be on their phone 100% of the time, or who was going to shove my kid into a playgroup with other kids, some of whom were being aggressive or having other issues, while she visited with other nannies. I met good nannies but encountered far more truculent, mean nannies that I just couldn't imagine leaving me kid with. Many of them barely seemed interested in the kids they were watching. It was weird and it absolutely made me stressed about finding childcare.

I don't have advice, but I will tell you what I did. I extended my maternity leave until my child was a year old, and then put her in a small home daycare center. I maybe could have done it earlier, but that's about how long it took me to both feel ready to leave my kid (it wasn't an anxiety thing at all -- I just really liked being with my baby) and to figure out kind of care would be right for our family and to find it and get a spot. It was a bit hard to navigate at the time because my work wasn't excited about my extended leave (it was within the company's policy but my manager was super annoyed about it) and because I was taking a bunch of unpaid leave so we had to navigate some finance stuff.

But in retrospect, it was very much worth it for me. In the end, I chose a small home daycare because I valued having my kid in group care but liked that it was a smaller mixed age group instead of the big segregated classes I saw at larger commercial centers. Like OP, I discovered that I didn't want to manage a nanny in my home, and also became disillusioned about the quality of care offered by the average nanny. I also discovered I wanted a center near our house instead of my job, and when I returned to work I wound up segueing into remote work almost 100% of the time. There were also little things about the daycare that wound up being really important, like the rules around pickup time or how they handled meals. By the time my kid started daycare, I knew I'd found the right place for her. Plus she was one and was walking and it really felt like time to get some separation and for her to get more used to other caregivers.

I think it's reasonable to be worried about leaving your brand new baby in the care of others, and to have concerns based on what you observe. I think it's okay to wait, if that's financially feasible for you. I think it makes sense that you feel torn between wanting to work and wanting the right care for your kid, and that most moms feel that way, honestly. No advice, but I just wanted to validate that I get where you are coming from, and offer my experience in case there is anything in there that might help you make your choices. Best of luck to you![/quote]

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