Reply to SIL is really obtuse

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "SIL is really obtuse"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]wow, reading this thread was disheartening. I am in my 50s and I have never being drunk in my life, not even as a teenager. I also tend to be on my high horse but in this case I am appalled by the posters bashing the alcoholic guy "because it is a choice". I understand that alcoholism, like other addictions, wreck havoc on people and their families and that after dealing with an addicted person for years family members may have enough or just have to recognize that there is little they can do, so I would not blame OP's  DH if, in the specific circumstances of his case, he decided not to go because he recognized there was nothing he could do and so on. but reading the coldness of OP was almost frightening (OP you say that your own family would know better than involving you in their problems and frankly I can see why, just hope that if one day you end up being the one needing help you will find people better then you). and so many posters insisting that alcoholism is totally a choice and thus a weakness of the alcoholic, who can stop cold turkey if he only decides it. [/quote]

Some people find good boundaries to be “cold.” In truth, good boundaries are all you have in some difficult situations.

Any addict has to want to get help for that help to work. (This is also true for the mentally ill.)  Most treatment centers will not accept people who do not want to be there. Trying to convince someone to get treatment can feel coercive, manipulative to the alcoholic. This breaks trust in the relationship and causes the alcoholic to drift further from people offering “help.” Despite the popularity of intervention-style narratives, that is not something that works. Also, even addicts and the mentally ill have civil rights. It is very, very difficult to force someone to treatment without their consent. In fact, I am doubtful that this affidavit would do much.

So what works when dealing with addicts? Showing love without enabling. And if the alcoholic is causing harm to loved ones and is not willing to help himself, it is absolutely ethical and acceptable for loved ones to protect themselves by walking away —for a time or forever. Smaller steps might include moving out temporarily, separating finances, divorce, only interacting when sober, lessening contact, etc.

It is also important to know that addicts can be very manipulative (not all but many). Being a doormat risks having them ruin your life as well as theirs. It’s not cold, awful, or unloving to state the plain truth that some ugly situations don’t have happy endings for all involved. You save the people you can and drop the rope with others.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics