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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I am floored, disgusted, and legitimately taken aback.
DH and I had a conversation tonight about finances. ONe of our recurring expenses is going up several hundred dollars a month. It is an expense that we have always paid for proportionately. Background- we have always been a 3 account family: his mine ours. We both put into several joint accounts, and then we maintain our own separate money. I know that many people just do 1 big pot and don't maintain individual accounts, but that's never been our practice, just as background info.

In the conversation, DH asked what the breakdown would be for each of us. I told him. He then launched into a tirade. Stated that he should be able to pull out money from one of our children's savings accounts for HIS SHARE of the additional expense- for 2 reasons...1) that he is on a financial downswing and 2) because he was overly generous in his deposits to the account during a financial upswing several months ago.

I was so floored by this I didn't say a word.

He went on. Stated that I only contribute the minimum of my fair share to our various joint accounts, and he always goes above and beyond. And now, when he could use some financial help with an added expense, it's noteworthy that I'm not enthusiastic about alowing him to pull his amount due from a joint account.

He went on. Asked me to look at the deposit statements for the last 6 months. "I've deposited 4k into this account since October and you only deposited $800."  I pointed out to him that yes,  I "only" deposit several hundred dollars (without fail) every month. Versus him, who will deposit zero for 10 months and then make a large deposit if and when he has the money.

I calmly said to him that I was taken aback and extremely disappointed to hear such lack of appreciation considering I have carried the family for over 4 years. He said he feels the same lack of appreciation.

I asked to start couples counseling asap.

I am floored. [/quote]

New PP. I am on your side for all the rest and would be as F* pissed as you are. Now on the joint spending, I have a similar system as you (mine/ours/yours accounts. I have always maintained that system because my DH makes careers choice out of passion and doesn’t feel an obligation to earn more money to support a particular lifestyle for our family (think save the world NGO job on a 9-5 schedule while I work in more cutthroat environment making more money and being way more stressed). I am ok with his choice but I want him to walk the talk And if he wants to plan crazy holidays or put solar panels on our house he cannot ask me to finance more than my share ( I am a saver, he is a spender) .

Anyway, this is all a preliminary to ask: do you have clear and fair rules regarding who puts what in the joint account? Over the past 12 months did you indeed end up putting way more? If yes, he obviously needs to shut up. If not, you are not being fair. But I would ask you to consider one more thing: in our arrangement, as I work longer hours and DH does the pick up and drop off, we also contribute proportionally to the joint account. We put the same % of our salaries... so I put more[/quote]

OP here. We too implemented the 3 account system because our spending habits have always been wildly different. Think luxury car for him/eating out for lunch every day vs no car for me/generally brown bag. It was his idea to do 3 accounts, so that no one could dictate what to do with our own personal money, as long as we met obligations to the joint accounts.

He says "money is fungible" so he should be able to withdraw the "extra/above and beyond" he put into our kid's savings account when he's short on money now.

It makes me uncomfortable that a gift, if you will, is not being pitched as a loan. Money he wants to claw back.[/quote]

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