Reply to Ever regret having the third child

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "Ever regret having the third child"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Regret is the wrong word but yes in a way. Our older two are 8 and 6. Things had just gotten fun. Now we need to divide and conquer. Things like skiing as a whole family will need to wait years. If given a magical time machine I probably would have stuck at two even though our third is gorgeous and sweet. It’s not about her being great or not great it’s about the whole family dynamic having shifted in a way I’m not crazy about. Honest answer here. [/quote]

That definitely sounds like less fun, but you and the other poster who "regrets" her child just make me think - you really value restaurants, skiing, and small SUV's over having a third child? Really? Those are your priorities in life?[/quote]

This is missing the point. It's not that restaurants, skiing, and small SUVs are a "value", these are just the things that these PPs are highlighting as examples of a different value, which is flexibility. With a smaller family, you can bend your family to fit the world. With a larger family, you have to bend the world to fit your family. It's limiting. That doesn't mean you don't love your kids or there aren't fun things about having a big family, but it is the truth.

People talk a lot about things being "family-friendly." Is that restaurant family-friendly? Do you have family-friendly vacation ideas? Is that a family-friendly neighborhood? But the thing about a big family is that it's not very "world-friendly". It's unwieldy. People will invite you over less often (or not at all) because they don't have the space to accommodate you. People will not want to sit near your family at restaurants. Lots of activities will be prohibitively expensive because you have to pay for that 5th and even 6th ticket. Some places simply won't have room for you. And when you are out in the world together, you will often be way more focused on each other than the world around you, which will make people resentful.

It's not a judgment, just the truth. Bigger families are harder. You have to decide if that extra child is really worth those difficulties.[/quote]

As a kid of a larger family, those little frustrations extended to the kids.  My Dad made enough that I never qualified for financial aid, but they hadn't saved college funds for all of us and try as I could I didn't get the scholarships to make up the difference, so that big envelope from my dream school went in the trash.  Other little things like I didn't get to choose what instrument I learned in band because my older sister had a flute and they couldn't afford another instrument.  Made the travel team?  Can't afford it.

My parents were good parents, but it's simply not the life I want for my kids.[/quote]

But again, this is about money. Some families can give everyone the flute. It’s only a reason to have 2 if you can’t afford more[/quote]

In the one example above yes (though its also possible PPs parents technically could have afforded another instrument but forced her to do the flute because "we already have one" which is a very common dynamic in big families regardless of income). But the previous examples aren't really about money. The PP who says that they can't take their older kids skiing, even though they are at a great age for it, because they now have a toddler again? That isn't really about money, and you can substitute lots of less expensive activities for the same problem. You can't all ride the roller coasters. You can't all go on the long hike. You can't go to the same movie. You can't even go camping in the same way you would have if you just had the older two. And stuff like going to restaurants or having a smaller car? That's not money either. It's about the fact that big families are big. They don't fit places. Everyone misses out as a result. You can only do the things that can take all of you.

Our richest friends have three kids, and they can afford it. Their kids go to private school, they travel internationally all the time, if their kids have an interest, they can satisfy it. But they struggle going out to dinner together because their kids are overwhelming in that setting. They've had a few miserable vacations (that they could afford!) because it was hard to find stuff to satisfy kids at different ages.

We have another set of friends, also three kids, also well off. We vacation with them every summer (pre-Covid). One thing people always say to us is that we'll have to let our only child bring friends on vacation when she's older because otherwise she'll be bored. Which might be true! But guess what, our friends also always let their oldest bring a friend on vacation every summer because otherwise she's the oldest of the bunch by several years, plus the only girl in the older cohort, and otherwise she'd be bored.

More kids is always more hassle, for the parents and the kids.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics