Reply to Good-natured, well-behaved, polite kids

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Good-natured, well-behaved, polite kids"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not a clinical psychologist but everything PP clinical psychologist said rings true. Also the question is so off base. “well behaved, polite” is all about the parents/adults. Yes my kid needs to learn empathy. Yes my kid, at degrees as DD grows, must learn that there are societal expectations DD must live with. Yes I’ll teach habits of please, thank you, and door holding but they are simple habits. I’m a very high earning female working in a field where men predominate and these just aren’t the values I think matter long term either for economic success OR keeping your soul despite everything. Years ago a preschool teacher told me my daughter was “wilful” and internally I thought “with everything women face in life, F you if you think I’m squashing that in her just to make your job easier.” All of you patting yourselves on your backs sound like that B.

[/quote]

Perhaps the people you work with are successful in spite of being "willful" and not because of it.

Additionally, high earning is just one aspect of success. Relationships matter much more than income above a certain threshold.

My younger sister works at the FDA making 150K doing work that is very meaningful and fulfilling. I have a girlfriend who is a cardiologist, and she has a fulfilling career and great relationships. These two women have never been described as "willful" by their teachers/parents. They did not need to be "willful" to have pretty good careers and great relationships. I would say they "kept their souls", but that has nothing to do with being "willful".

I think these two women are much more successful than my cousin making over a million dollars a year in sales because she has no admirable relationship(neither in her marriage nor with her parents/siblings/friends). Her career success has nothing to do with her "willful" behavior; I have an uncle in the same field with similar income, and he is much more similar in personality to the two women above. He would never be described as "willful" by teachers/parents.

One of my friend's spouse is "willful", and he makes great money. However, he is a lousy spouse/lousy parents because he lacks tactfulness/grace. He is successful in spite of his "willfulness", not because of it. He is successful because he is a hardworker who seized a great opportunity. He had the courage to take a bold calculated step. That is not willfulness. Willfulness encompasses courage. But courage does not encompass willfulness. Many people are courageous without being "willful."

Nobody wants a doormat for a child/adult. But that doesn't mean that a "willful" child/adult should be a desired parenting goal. These are two extremes. The goal should be raising a "wise" child/adult who knows when to be assertive and when not to be.

Some of the good-natured, well-behaved and polite kids will be doormats. Others will be "wise" kids who know when to stand up for themselves and when to stand down.  Some of the "willful" kids will grow up to be "wise". Others will not.

I am using "willful" in quotes because we all know what it means. I was a "willful" child. I am in my 30s, and I am learning to be more "wise" than "willful."

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics