Reply to I have a competitive, grandiose sister

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I don't question that your sister is a bit of pill. And she is who she is and you are you. But you do seem intent on justifying why you are feeling so bothered and victimized. She said something cruel? Call her out.

But I do think some of your behavior (anxious to call out her lies--I hope that was one-on-one, not a group txt!) is influenced by the guilt you might feel about not being there. You mention your large extended family several times (usually as a way to diminish your middle sister's efforts, I would note) . My guess is you are secretly worried that your extended family may be forming an opinion of you as the absent, checked out daughter. And that is troubling to you. And your middle sister is in a position to say things that will influence your extended family's opinion of you. So you seem hyper sensitive and ready to call her out and correct her.

I think you need to talk to a therapist and get this sorted. Again, I don't question for a minute that your sister is a jerk to you a lot of the time. But I think your behavior is being cause by more than just a reaction to her. [/quote]

Yes,  this captures it. I do feel guilty about not seeing them. In normal times it would not be a year.  What stung was my seeing my sister really amping up the judgment, and sort of enjoying playing up her increased role that hooked into my own sensitivity about it, yes. This is why it really hurts, and why the posters who said I need to get right with my own relationship with my parents were right. So I know this problem is in me and my own to work through. And yes the tendency of my sister to badmouth does heighten my fear she may do this with me, though I know my cousins know both of us, and know her well. I also know she has narcissistic features and is aggressive and and has these patterns with other people, and has to win. I'm competitive too, obviously and like to win too, I am just quiter about it and less aggressive with other people and more empathic from years of therapy. You hit it on the head though. It is my issue.[/quote]

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