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[quote=Anonymous]OP here! Thanks for replies. Kids are 11, and no I am not a closeted lesbian. I have had issues around envy my whole life. I grew up in a military family where I was basically the new kid every year and tried to mold myself into whatever was cool at whichever school, and it seemed the rules were always changing. There was always one queen girl who I tried to emulate. It is a long-held habit that I'm trying to kick. I have done well, was fine in college and in grad school, but every now and then it gets triggered and I am triggering big time now. I want to "move" the same way I moved my whole life. I know it's not the answer but it's what my gut says to do - to run - to find somewhere else to fit in.

Anyway, enough about my psychology. We had them over for drinks for an hour at 5...and now I feel even weirder. She mentioned that a group of the moms were having a bonfire tonight at 8 at one person's yard and I should "totally swing by." Should I? The bonfire host didn't invite me but the mom left it as "please come!" Is that weird? DH said just go. I feel like I should maybe make an appearance but also would it seem out of bounds/desperate. I feel like I'm 12 like my kid.

DD and her kid hung out and it was fine, but their siblings (boys) were there and they were mainly just running around with no other kids competing for attention.[/quote]

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