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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]my story is a version of this story: I got a divorce. i think there is something about a woman nearing mid-life (or however anyone wants to define it) that you go, holy sh*t, do i need to sublimate my own happiness for the rest of my life for this ridiculous picture of what a woman's life should be? to take care of everyone else, all the time? when i've said over and over again to him what i need to meet basic emotional needs? it's so embarrassing and sad honestly that this is the same q our mothers asked themselves, but many of them didn't divorce. I don't think you need to die on the cross for an nuclear family. The op said this person is not meeting her needs, not emotionally, not in any substantive way. and she's asked, repeatedly. I think the q is: would you be OK with leaving him even if it didn't work out with this dude? Don't leave for someone else. Leave b/c you have to to be hole, and know that there are no promises about this new thing. can you be happy with being alone? Would it be ok to have your kids 1/2 time and not cook and clean and tend to everyone's needs, be everyone's boss, 100 percent of the time? But be in charge of your time, most of the time? That is ok, completely ok, if your answer is yes, being on your own would be better. Know that the next couple of years are going to be a complete shit show as you transition to that new space. but if you've spent time thinking about those questions, and you also get some therapy for yourself (not couples!) you may be able to see what you need for yourself. Or maybe you already know. Just don't put your eggs in this other person's basket. [/quote]

If you don't want a nuclear family, don't get married and have kids. If you don't want someone who is dependent on you don't get married and have kids. If you want to be me, myself, and I, going wherever the wind may carry, don't get married and have kids.[/quote]

Yep. I have so much respect for my 52 year old brother that did not succumb to parental expectations or societal expectations and stayed single.  He has had many girlfriends and is very set in his ways.  He would have made a horrible husband and father and recognized that.

I HATE all these people that settle to pop out a few kids and then want to run away from their life.  Most never really had true love or looked at the long commitment of marriage/family, they were just following a script.  Losers.[/quote]

I have a  lot o respect for people like your brother as well.  It's onw thing to marry someone and  that person becomes abusive so you leave. It's another thing to  basically have a tantrum because you aren't getting butterflies everytime youl look at your SO after 16 years. Perhaps we fail people, sell them too much of a fairytale, maybe we should make it clear marriage is boring, it's grunt work most of the time, it's oatmeal everyday with a side of toast. you aren't going to like your partner every single second,, sometimes you'll think they're an idiot, and you really can't tolerate them for another second. Your kids will be annoying , messy, disrupt your sleep and sex life 95 % of the time.  You'll have to work to spend a little time together, you won't be able to just drop everything like a pair of teenagers, and sometimes when you get a free moment you'll be too tired to do anything. Maybe this would be better than Hallmark stories, and telling people they can't be adults until they are married with children, or they aren't as valuable if they are single.[/quote]

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