Reply to Why Is My 16 Year Old Son A Raging Asshat?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If he doesn't shower or brush his teeth that may be a real sign of depression.  Most boys I know this age are actually pretty focused on hygiene (because of girls), and kids who play sports tend to shower pretty regularly.  It may be that taking away the things he likes to do have created a downward spiral and exacerbated depression?  I would get him checked out pretty quickly so that it doesn't affect his school year - presumably he's a junior which is the most important year for college admissions so if, as you say, your aim is to get him out of the house as fast as possible you probably want to make sure he does reasonably well this year.

I would also suggest counseling or parenting classes for you as some professional advice on how to respond to him would probably be helpful.  Maybe a little positive reinforcement now and again would be helpful.  You haven't said a single postiive thing about him on this thread.  He must do something that you are proud of?  He actually sounds to me like a pretty good/normal teenage boy.  Your language and attitude are so negative and combative so it's not surprising that things have gotten so bad.[/quote]

I have said many good things about him. He gets great grades, he isn't a trouble maker, he's an amazing musician, he's very athletic, he can be a joy to be around but he's also an incredible draining person when he's challenging us.

He isn't showering because he's sad or "down", he's not showering because he's lazy. I wish I could explain better than I am. He'll come in from practice and I'll tell him to run up and shower because we're eating in 20 minutes. 20 minutes will go by and I'll find him sitting on Facebook or playing xbox, no shower and still in his sweaty practice clothes. When I ask why he hasn't showered he'll tell me that they barely broke a sweat and he doesn't need to when it's apparent he's covered in dirt and soaking wet. I don't see depressed, I see lazy. But it could 100% be depressed. Or ADHD. Or just not wanted to do what we ask. I don't know.

I don't mean to be so down on him or sound so negative but when you live this 24/7 it's tough to see the light in the situation, same as you would in a bad marriage. It sucks to deal with such a difficult person, spouse, parent, or child.[/quote]

To OP.  When you type not showering and get go to therapist remarks the responders don't realize:
1. the kid just got in from practice
2. is NOT unbathed for days wallowing in pee stained underwear
3. he is simply chilling [as they say] when getting in

I too wanted a DS to shower ASAP but relaxed about it.    It's not ADD or depression or even lazy.  He's tired.     [/quote]

Thank you, that's such a good point. We do give him time to relax before he has to shower but when hours go by and he's falling asleep in his practice clothes then wearing them the next it's not okay. He has to shower within a reasonable time after practice. I totally get he's tired. He can sit, he can rest, but before he goes to bed? Getting into bed with sweat soaked practice clothes? No. That is lazy. He doesn't want to put the xbox controller down and shower.

And yes, he actually will wear the same boxers for days at a time if I don't remind him to change, which other mom's of teen boys have told me they also have to do. Once there is a girlfriend in the picture it changes but until then most really don't care.

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