Reply to Ex wants to take kids on hotel trip with new bf

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think your hesitancy in getting legal on this issue is a cop out. THIS is precisely the sort of issue you must play hardball. Everything about this plan sounds awful. And I'll note not a single mention of concerns about COVID? Having a strange man staying IN THE SAME ROOM (?) with your children is an absolute non-starter. And your ex has only just recently started dating this guy? So is he expecting to try and have sex in the middle of the night while your children are there? Everything about this is just awful. And you state that your children has already expressed discomfort about this? Well, dad, that is your children begging you to intervene and protect them. You must. I feel like you're trying to avoid conflict and prioritizing that over your children's safety and wellbeing. No, no, no. [/quote]

I agree.  Get legal advice.  Who knows if he’s even  been social distancing.[/quote]

Presumably the boyfriend is regularly around the mom, who is regularly around the kids, so COVID is already a risk regardless of the vacation.

OP, you are conflating several issues:
1) Mom has an active dating life. This is a blow to your ego, but it’s really none of your business.
2) Mom is exposing the kids to the BF “to early”. This is sort of your business, but you really have no control over this.
3) Sleepovers that make your children uncomfortable. This is a valid concern.

By combining these issues, along with all the crazy “what ifs”, you look controlling and irrational, and make Mom less willing to seek mutually-agreeable solutions. Mom is hearing: “You are a whore and a bad parent, and I am using the kids to control you.” Would you want to negotiate with someone who is attacking you like that?

I don’t think you are really controlling and irrational; I just think you’re upset and struggling to frame this conversation.

I suggest you drop the first two arguments entirely, and focus solely on the second:

“I understand you want Tom and the kids to get to know each other, and that having time together in a fun place like the beach might be a good, neutral place to start this process. The kids have expressed concern about staying in a hotel room with Tom at this time. Would it be possible for him to get his own hotel room? Or perhaps you rent a 3-br condo so everyone has a little more privacy.”

You may get further this way. If mom still objects, call your lawyer to see what can be done about the sleepovers.
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