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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I felt very confused, and like I would be ruining his life and trapping him in a life he didn't want at that time if I told him. I am fairly certain that he would have eventually come around to making a decision to keep the baby because of his religious beliefs. And I wonder if we would have stayed together and be a happy family. I never found anyone that I felt as strongly about as I did him. I just can't let it go and can't stop beating myself up for making naive and poor decisions. [/quote]

No I wouldn't tell him.

Are you sure the issue of telling him is really because the therapist says so.  Are you sure you aren't just trying to get back in touch with someone you had such strong feelings for to test the waters a little.  You say you beat yourself up for making naive and poor decisions, is that because you look at your life now and you aren't happy and somehow you believe if you had of told him, he would have stayed with you because of his religious beliefs and you would have the happy family life he has now.

I can tell you that you wouldn't have that life if you had stayed with him.  It's obvious from what you have written that he didn't want that commitment with you so yes, he would have felt resentment.  It's painful and it's hurtful however at some point you need to forgive yourself for the abortion and come to accept that this relationship was not meant to be.  Why are you not proud of yourself that you didn't trap him in a life that he openly stated he didn't want, that shows compassion and strength.  So why not give some of that compassion and strength to yourself about the abortion.  It wasn't an easy decision to make I think you really need to forgive yourself.  Telling this guy 20 years later won't give you the closure you need.[/quote]

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