Reply to Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?

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Reply to "Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gottman method encouraged my cheater spouse.  It did more harm to our marriage than good.  I would avoid any couples therapist which used this method which is the trend these days.

I agree no joint couples therapy until cheater has extensive individual treatment, as well as the betrayed.

I would adamantly refuse it if cheater spouse asked initially.[/quote]

Agree on couples therapy.  I went with my ex after she fessed up about her AP.  Therapy became crying sessions on her part b/c she knew she was at fault - didn't blame me and the therapy really was about understanding the why.  I did not have to be there for it.  My ex did feel remorse but really didn't try to repair the damage.  I did a 180 after the AP was outed and she interpreted that as "not caring" and she stopped trying.  I couldn't believe at the lack of care on her part.  Welp, FFWD many wasted months later and I had had enough.  At the end of the day, I chose not to do the heavy lifting in the reconciliation - we were not going to survive if I had done so.  She needed to do it and did not.[/quote]

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