Reply to Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?

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Reply to "Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I had the opposite experience regarding the Gottman principles, so it may not be Gottman itself at issue. My feeling about it was that if you are (as we were) committed to staying together, it at least is helpful to minimize the day-to-day toxicity that Gottman addresses very well.

But don't delude yourself; Gottman-based couples therapy doesn't address the underlying issues regarding your character.

OP, you fundamentally have to decide whether you care about living a life in which what you say you are doing and what you are actually doing (and what you say you have done, and what you have actually done) are the same.

If you don't prioritize this you may be able to do almost anything to keep a marriage together. If you do prioritize it you may find that it is intolerable to keep up the lie over the long term.

Some of the wayward spouses posting here to say that they did, or you should, never tell are living at a profound level of dissociation from their own actions. For some people that is comfortable--even preferable. For others it is completely unmanageable. You're the only one who knows, or can say, which you are.

I also got a postnup and in your shoes I would be prepared to offer one. [/quote]

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