Reply to Therapist Won't Condemn my Partner's Affair.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Therapist Won't Condemn my Partner's Affair."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I recommend reading The State of Affairs by well-respected couples' therapist Esther Perel.

OP, it is so hurtful when a spouse goes outside the marriage to meet needs, and breaks vows.

But the reasons for an affair are complex and [b]you're not going to find peace looking to blame him alone. [/b]If he's simply a bad person, leave him. If he's not, share in discovering why he did what he did and what responsibility you bear for what wasn't right in the relationship.[/quote]

Wait, having an affair is a choice/decision that was made by one person in that relationship.  Why the person choose to handle their internal issues and/or relationship issues that way is on that person alone.  People in all situations and relationships (not just romantic) will frustrate you because we are all imperfect and more times than not struggle in how to communicate with people that aren’t just like us in temperament/experiences.  That doesn’t give you the right/justification to make poor choices in how to handle it or not have consequences.

The part about improving how you communicate with each other and self-awareness of both your actions and how they impact your partner are things that are needed regardless of an affair.  It just plays even more of a center stage when you add in deep hurt, potentially guilt and forgiveness.  So yes, OP has responsibilities for what wasn’t right in the relationship but that would be true even if her partner didn’t have an affair.  I agree it’s not the marriage counselors job to pass judgment.  In general it’s about getting people to their own realizations and giving them the tools to change behaviors/patterns.  I am curious why the partner is going to marriage counseling if they don’t think what they did was wrong?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics