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[quote=Anonymous]You need to fix your snoring, op. I wonder why you haven't? I also wonder why your wife is so tired with two elementary schoolers. That doesn't seem right. 
What faith are you if I can ask? We are members Of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Later-Day Saints, aka used to be Mormons until recently.  I've noticed a lot of members putting their own needs aside so they can tithe to the point where their physical health is impacted.  I am also certain that there is a lot of undiagnosed depression. Your failure to fix your snoring along with your weekly volunteering makes me wonder if church is sucking the energy out of both of you.

At the risk of being crass, do you and your wife have time for sex? Do you sit or lie in bed close together? Family movie night is wonderful, we do this too, but it generally doesn't lead to sex.

How many hours are you spending on teeball and church? Everything I've volunteered with has the event itself along with lots of work and time before the event, and then usually a lot of time debriefing the event.  It's a way bigger time committment then it looks.

I will jump on you a bit though, your wife shouldn't feel like she has to talk to the pastor about anything. Maybe she thinks he's a jerk.  Maybe she thinks he's a great guy but a miserable pastor.  Maybe she doesn't want to talk about sex with another man, even if you are right there.

I'm not a massage kind of girl, I view them as medical treatments.  If my husband offered to give me one, I'd say no.  I simply don't find them relaxing or sentual.  If your wife doesn't like massages, why do you persist in offering them?

If she's a stay-at-home mom, what would you like her to talk about over the candlelight?  I ask this because if she was into theater or politics, would you expect her to just not talk about what she spends the majority of her time and energy doing?  You seem to disdain her.

Now onto you. You do deserve a healthy romantic/sexual relationship. Ideally you should get this within a marriage.  I've said before on this board that I don't view divorce as a terrible thing. I view it as the legal ending of a legal contract, something which you are allowed to do.  Unlike other contracts, you don't even need your wife's consent to end the marriage.  I would think about divorce if only because I worry about your mental health if you do not.  I worry that you would become so distracted and lonely that you would fail to make appropriate decisions as a father and husband.  You don't want to be the kind of dad who expects his daughter to be celibate forever and scares off every nice boy she meets because you are unhappy with your wife.  You also don't want to allow a son to have as much premarital sex as he wants because "it will all be over once you marry, you may as well enjoy yourself".

If your pastor is at all good at his job, I'd go speak with him/her. You do have that right, and he/she has the duty to listen to you and provide appropriate and healthy advice.  Your wife can't stop this communication path, nor should she.  I would lay out everything you've said here. I would also look at your behavior with the ceavot that it only takes one person to make a marriage miserable, but it always takes two to make it a happy one.  Lay off the massages, fix your snoring, move back into the master bedroom and bed with your wife, listen to her when she talks and see where you are in six months or a year.

Finally, if your wife refuses to share a bed with you, or tells you that you cannot speak to a religious counselor of your choice, run. That's abusive and you need to be aware of that.         [/quote]

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