Reply to Vent about my sister just being a jerk

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[quote=Anonymous]NP - OP, this isn't about the holidays.  That's a symptom of the underlying issue.  Your sister doesn't want to have a relationship with you or your parents -- or if she does, she wants one that exists only at a distance.  I have no idea why that is.  Maybe its on her end, maybe it's on yours, maybe it's your parents. Most likely, it's some combination, but she's drawing some pretty hard boundaries.  And she's telling you that she needs to keep those boundaries, even this year.

Whether you want to do the work -- and it will be work -- to figure out why she feels like she needs these boundaries is up to you.  Be prepared that, if you do and she's willing, the best case scenario will require some hard conversations, hurt feelings and a willingness to take an unflinching look at your own behavior and memories.  But from what you've been posting, her decision not to be with you guys for the holidays this year is completely consistent.

Question, though: have you ever asked her why she stays away?  And I mean asked and then just listened to the answer without trying to argue or justify?[/quote]

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