Reply to BIL's Wedding - Big Deal if Only DH Attends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - Wow, lots of strong responses which is exactly why I asked!

To further clarify, we *really* can't afford the cost.  We live a in a cramped condo that needs a lot of work.  We are desparately trying to save to move into something more suited for a family, in an ok school district but are struggling to cover the cost of the repairs required before we could even list it. I've only been on a plane once in the last 10 years and the tickets were a gift. Our family vacations typically consist of driving to see family.  Our big splurge this year was 3 days at a DelMarVa beach.

As for the details about BIL, yes, I am not his biggest fan.  There's a lot of history there - lying, theft - that has nothing to do with me and has resulted in trust issues and a lack of closeness between the brothers.  DH was surprised he was asked to be in the wedding party, but his brother doesn't have many friends and his fiancée wants a large group to match hers. I don't think BIL would care at all if we weren't there.  There are also a bunch of aunts, uncles, and other extended family that will attend. I guess my thinking is that if BIL doesn't even want to attend his own wedding, why should I compromise my family's future to be there?[/quote]

Ask your FIL for help with the cost.

The other person you aren't factoring in is the bride, who is having the big deal wedding she has always wanted - maybe this marriage lasts 50 years or maybe it goes down in flames, but it sounds like the couple will be living in your town after the wedding. You may end up with nephews/nieces. Your kids may end up with cousins. Don't think of the wedding as some event. This is the start of a new familial relationship and I'd do everything I could to be supportive. You won't regret that no matter what happens in the future.[/quote]

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