Reply to Mother has decided to “retire” at 58

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is she doing for healthcare?[/quote]

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?). [/quote]

Not at 58. [/quote]

and if Medicaid not likely she has the amount of assets she needs for retiring[/quote]

OP here. Confused, then - I thought she was enrolled in one of these programs.[/quote]

If she’s on Medicaid, then she’s very poor. You could encourage her to marry her partner and get on their health insurance.  [/quote]

Part of why I’m concerned is because they’re not married, but my mother is convinced they’ll be together forever. (In addition to his federal job, he has full military retirement and benefits). For a woman who raised me to be financially independent, I don’t know why she now thinks the man is the plan. 
[/quote]

If they are not married she receives none of his retirement or benefits. If something happens to him she receives nothing.[/quote]

This. Who gets his half of the house if he dies? Does your mom get it or does it go to his estate to me given to his kids for example? Your mom could be forced to sell her home if she doesn't get his half. Even if she gets the whole house, what will she live on?

I also agree with another pp who said that you need to get specifics on exactly what assets your mom has. You can't help her until you know that. Once you get that info, You can help her plan better. Is she engaging in magical thinking or does she actually have enough to retire?

OP, I'm so sorry. We went through something similar when our jackass brother talked our mom into moving into a very expensive assisted living facility. Neither of them even spoke with the other siblings until after our mom put down a deposit. We did the math and she couldn't afford it. She would have been out of money in about a decade but the women in her family live until very old. She could have easily had well over 20 years to live. Luckily my sister and I pushed in and demanded the data to crunch the numbers. Once I did this, my mom abandoned this awful plan and luckily got her deposit back. The only reason she didn't move in before telling us is because she didn't like the unit that was available. She would have been $350K in the hole on move in day, not counting any of the astronomical monthly payments. It scares me how close she came to financial ruin. Luckily that unit didn't have a nice view . . .

My mom isn't the brightest and has some mental issues. She engages in magical thinking without relying on facts and data. I still don't understand how someone could make that kind of financial decision without crunching the numbers first. She was SHOCKED when I ran the numbers and she saw how expensive it would be. I might get slammed for saying this, but women of that generation often relied on the man to figure out financials. My dad did it, then after he died my brother stepped in. Our mom generally won't listen to me or my sister even though we're much better with finances and analysis vs. magical thinking.

OP, I feel for you. Try to get your mom's financial data and help her work out a plan so she can see in black and white whether or not she can afford to retire now. I told my mom that she could live with us if needed and we would make sure she had food and toiletries, but we couldn't afford to fund a lavish retirement for her. Be clear with her that you don't plan to delay your own retirement so she can get an early start on hers, or whatever your situation is. Just get your mom to make decisions based on financial data, not dreams.[/quote]

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