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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t understand why OP thinks she will lose custody of her daughter if her husband leaves over this.[/quote]
Either OP is full of it and this is an excuse to play victim, or there’s something problematic in OP’s history that she’s withholding.  Either way, her credibility is suspect here.[/quote]

OP here. I don’t think I’d lose custody. I just don’t think my husband would either. My understating is that it’s a huge bar to completely lose custody. I don’t know why people think  a brother in the house who uses THC and broke a window at his moms house would be enough. My husband is smart, wealthy, legally knowledgeable, and has a history of fighting hard for custody. I’m surprised this has become a sticking point, as my general impression from this board is that divorce means 50/50 in the vast majority of cases. My husband hasn’t even caved and let him back yet. Leaving seems really premature.
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Giving your husband an ultimatum is NOT premature. Your husband sounds like an a$$ the way you describe him.[/quote]

oP here. I think an ultimatum is premature, as I’m not willing to leave while I think My daughter would be in the house without me 50% of the time if I did.  and I’m not going to make an idle threat. Honestly, my husband is stressed out of his mind about this. And, he is kind of being an ass, but it’s mainly because he’s reverting to Papa Bear instinct of protect his kid who’s in the worse shape. I think it would be a big mistake to cave and let him back in, and, as of now, he hasn’t let him.

This situation is unlike anything I’ve dealt with in my life. We can literally have a discussion with DSS which seems to go well, and, then, 20 minutes later he texts to ask if he can just move back in. And, my husband, so far, has been consistent in his message to DSS, but keeps piling all his stress and uncertainty  back on me. (How do I know I’m doing the right thing? Maybe he just needs me. Enabling is just psychobabble, etc etc)

Therapy? We are trying... but so far, dh is trying to get therapy appointments with DSS and his ex wife, and doesn’t have the energy to add a third grouping to that list..[/quote]

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