Reply to If you cheated and stayed married

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You show completely remorse - an understanding of how your actions impacted your spouse and kids (directly or through the impact on your spouse).

You provide transparency and answer honestly any questions your spouse wants answered. You make sure that if you are holding some info back (to protect your spouse) or if you have lied about anything - that you come clean. Finding out new or changed details later is often the nail in the coffin.

You accept that you swung a wrecking ball through the house that is your marriage. Whether or not the foundation is still intact enough to rebuild on takes time to determine.

Realize that for the first 2-3 years after discovering the affair, your spouses processing of the event and feelings about it will continue to change. You need to accept that months from now there can be periods of mistrust or anger or a need to revisit it. It is a loss and there is grief and it takes time to process.

Visit survivinginfidelity website. they have a forum on reconciling and first hand experiences from people who have been both successful and unsuccessful at reconciling. [/quote]

All of this, plus therapy as a couple as well as individually. Therapy may help reveal that you've had patterns in your relationships, not necessarily cheating patterns. Therapy may help you break cycles that negatively impact your life. Also, you and your partner can address if both of your needs are being met in the relationship. Everyone has them and being honest with your partner and yourself is important to maintaining fidelity and fulfillment in the relationship. Sometimes, needs may be unrealistic and need to be resolved in a way that doesn't threaten or damage the marriage.

Good luck. [/quote]

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