Reply to DH can't balance work and family. What should I do?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH can't balance work and family. What should I do?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wife of biglaw senior associate here with 3 young kids. I get it. DH and I also basically never do date nights, he frequently is in the office all weekend, he almost never makes it home for bedtime, and he's about to bail on our long-planned spring break trip due to a case.

IMO you aren't overreacting but also you are. Yes, it's shitty that he can't spend 5 min to videochat at bedtime. But also, he says he can't do it and instead of accepting that, you wind up mad and sad and have a big argument. He's an adult and he's making choices all along the way here. You can either accept them and work with/around them, or spend a lot of your time angry and eventually divorce.

I'm not a SAHM by the way. I'm a lawyer myself. I made the choice to switch from biglaw to a smaller firm so that I can have more balance in my life. It's important to me to spend time with my kids, to get involved in other activities besides work work work, and to have a modicum of a social life without worrying that my weekend was going to be spent in the office. Do I wish those things were as important to my DH? Sure. Do I think he should listen to Cat's in the Cradle once or twice himself? Absolutely. Am I worried about his future relationships with his kids? A little bit. But I can't make him be different, and I make myself miserable getting pissed off all the time when he makes different choices. Instead, I choose to structure my life the way I want it, and I'm teaching my kids (ages 6, 4, 1) to be independent so that I don't need his help when he's not around.

In my case, I hope that my DH catches on to where his priorities should be, and every now and then we do talk priorities and what's the point of working so hard for money when you can't enjoy it. It could be worthwhile for you to check in with your DH on priorities and goals periodically. But sweating this small stuff is just a recipe for resentment.[/quote]

I would add, you need to make it clear to him that you are willing to take a lifestyle hit if it means you can spend more time with him.  (Assuming you are.)  He is likely stressed out, feeling like he has to do this to succeed, and it may well feel like you want his paycheck but are also nagging him about what he has to do to earn it.

In the meantime, he is who he is.  Fighting about it is not helpful.  Either accept that he is this way, and do your best with that, or leave.  But staying and fighting over the same stuff all the time is pointless.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics