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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, it's often true because mothers still typically manage most of the social calendar for children and the family. The kiss of death is for the MIL to expect her DIL to pick up the slack where the MIL failed to raise her own son. The DIL will keep up relationships with her own parents if she values them, but the son needs to do the same.

If you want to be involved with your son's children, then raise your son to be an equal partner with raising kids and maintaining family relationships. If you have daughters too, then raise your sons and daughters with equal division of household labor. Lay the expectation now for your sons to make or buy a gift for his parents' birthdays. Have your sons call their grandparents on their birthdays and send them cards.

On the other hand, I see a lot of times that the grown son doesn't like his parents so he doesn't want to make the effort to keep up close relationships. Then his parents blame his wife because they don't want to admit that they don't have a great relationship with their own son.

I've seen a lot of both situations.[/quote]

So exactly this.

My aunt and uncle raised their sons to quite literally be waited on by the women in their family--namely by my aunt herself, and by their daughter, who was the oldest. Women cooked, cleaned, did every single thing associated with birthdays and holidays, etc., etc. Men sat and talked at the table while women cleaned up the meal they made.

Well, thankfully, my male cousins from this family married modern, independent women with good heads on their shoulders. They aren't interested in doing all the emotional labor and family relationship management in their marriage, and rightfully so. As a result, my male cousins do NOTHING to stay connected with their parents or their sister, and somehow my aunt and uncle lay this at the feet of their DILs.

Both male cousins and their wives are expecting. Think my aunt and uncle will be close grandparents? Ha. You reap what you sow.[/quote]

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