Reply to Stepparents, how much money have you spent on/do you spend on your spouse's children?

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Reply to "Stepparents, how much money have you spent on/do you spend on your spouse's children?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've noticed a flurry of threads relating to stepparents and expectations of money as if to say that stepparents who don't contribute financially to their spouse's kids regardless of age are mean, controlling and evil. There's one about the SAHM who complains that her DH wouldn't allow her to take any of his money to give to her DS in college. There's another one by a grown woman who begrudges that the wealthy stepdad doesn't treat her with gifts and trips the way he does with his own daughters. And so many responses speak of treating step and bio children completely equally without consideration for the stepparents' finite resources and relationship with the spouse's children. Personally, I think it's idealistic to expect a stepparent to contribute financially when there is no guarantee of any love, care or gratitude by the stepchildren. So I'm curious about just how much you have or continue to spend on your spouse's children? What factors have you taken in consideration? And if you are no longer married to that spouse, do you still provide financial support? [/quote]

I’m a step mom to three and we did not merge finances. My husband pays child support and I pay for most expenses for the child we have together.  That evens out pretty well.

For my step kids, I do pay for cell phones, clothing, school-related items like graphing calculators and chrome books. One time things that come up.

But I do not agree with the “conditional” spending concept you are setting out here....thinking the step kids have to love me or be grateful in return, or else my contributions are thankless and not necessary.   I buy them stuff the same way I buy my kid stuff, based on what I think they need, what would make life easier, and some of what they want.  They don’t love me. They may be fond of me. This is not why I signed up to be a step parent. These are kids (now adults in my case), and they need adults to look out for them and care for them. Period.

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I dont think OP was saying that. OP says to be realistic about what you can expect especially in cases where the stepkids are older and you may be paying for them at your own expense, eg college versus retirement.[/quote]

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