Reply to Please help- my DH lost his job again and I’m thinking of leaving him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP.  First, thank you for some very caring and thoughtful responses.  I have been crying all morning and I am trying to remain strong and positive for my children.

My DH would be devastated if I left him.  However, I think he would agree to a temporary separation for the children’s benefit.

We conceived our children during times where he was flourishing with his job.

I can’t be the breadwinner as I am a teacher and that’s not gonna cut it.  Our last child was born at 26 weeks and had a host of problems and I just needed to be home with her.   She is thriving now and that’s one positive!!  The medical debt we incurred as a result of a long NICU stay is also putting a lot of stress on us.

My parents lives on the west coast and I live on the East Coast.  It’s a long move, but probably in the children’s best interest.  My father said he would pay childcare so I can get my act together and save money living rent free.

My DH needs help.  I’m so sad about all of this.  But the children’s well being has to come first.  They can not see me cry anymore.

I just want happiness.  I guess we all do.

[/quote]

If you can support the three of you in California on a teacher's salary with paid childcare, why can't you do it here with free childcare? I mean, if your husband is a disaster and your marriage has ended, then leave. But the idea that your dad couldn't send you the money he'd pay for childcare in CA while you stay here and get a job seems ... convenient.[/quote]

No, her parents seem realistic.

She would have support in her parents house. At a minimum she doesnt have to pay for rent and daycare. But I’m betting her parents will also be providing many intangibles like babysitting on the weekends, paying for utilities, etc. If she stays here, she has to cover the mortgage and all living expenses in addition to picking up the slack for her husband. All with very little (or no) support.

Those are some long odds. Her dad giving her financial support in those circumstances would just delay the inevitable. I wouldn’t do it. [/quote]

There is another parent in the home with nothing to do. Whatever OP implied, her husband was doing gangbusters at work not too long ago, according to her, and held this job for a year. Who's to say he couldn't manage to keep their kids alive sometimes on the weekends when there's no child care? Or who says he can't be child care? She didn't say he was fired for being drunk at work, either.

I think she's mad and stressed out, and she's not getting the life she was promised. I also think she regrets moving across the country from her family now that she has kids. And that sucks. But 1 + 1 does not equal 4, and that is where she is at this point. Step 4 instead of step 1, which is to try to let him take over the day to day while she at least starts subbing.[/quote]

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