Reply to Please help- my DH lost his job again and I’m thinking of leaving him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH has some issues.  One of which is chronic job loss, followed by long periods of unemployment.  He recently was terminated from another job after 1 year.   This is the fifth job he has lost.  We have a 14 month old and an almost 3 year old.  I am not working.  But I am tired of the constant instability.  I believe the problem is him and not the jobs.  I believe he has ADHD.  [b]He also is a pretty heavy drinker.[/b]  I love my husband, and my children absolutely adore him, but this is not a good environment for me anymore.  My DH brings me down and I can’t take the fall with him anymore.  My children deserve a happy stable household.

My parents want me to separate from him and live with them (temporary).  They can provide financial support for me while I try to build a career for myself.
This idea, while not ideal for myself would probably be in my best interest.

Has anybody been in my shoes before?  What did you do?  What advice do you have for me?[/quote][b]I suspect he is an alcoholic.  [/b]I suggest attending Al-Anon meetings for friends and families of people with drinking problems.  That is a place where you can get support while you are deciding what to do.  Good luck, OP.[/quote]

This is a leap (according to NIMH, the majority of people defined as heavy drinkers do not meet criteria for alcohol use disorder ("alcoholic" is a lay term).

We have no idea what OP is labeling a heavy drinker either. Also she "believes" he has ADHD.

Instead, should say, "his drinking suggests the possibility he could have a real problem"

Granted, there is a chance that moving cross-country and leaving DH behind could fix the marriage, but I doubt it.

No explanation of why he loses these jobs, what his career field is and whether his field is really a match for him, etc etc.

Assuming money is very tight right now, nonetheless: Voc Rehab services are free and can provide assessment for ADHD (I've known men who were diagnosed in their 40s and it was life-changing in a good way); if evidence of an impairment is there, they can provide services (that could end up including an alcohol eval, which could also entitle him to services but treatment would be required). Second, find a resource for couples therapy. University family counseling grad programs often offer therapy for free/sliding scale (used this for a time, cost $5 a session)  as part of students' training; they do this under supervision themselves. Contact local chapter of Mental Health America, NAMI, or other mental health/family services organizations for resources/contacts.

It's nice that you have a safety net in the event of disaster, but you owe it to your marriage, your kids, yourself, and your DH to take a problem-solving approach first. ALL of this sounds fixable given the involved parties want to fix it.

Let's say you are living in a house with slightly leaky roof, iffy plumbing, doors hanging crooked. It is livable but a drag and sometimes it gets the best of you. Options: torch it or get to work on repairs. Torching it is always an option, but it's one you can't undo once done.

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