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[quote=Anonymous]As someone who is 2 years out from a "War Of the Roses" level divorce, I will offer the following.

1.  It is completely understandable to have the attitude you currently have.  All the people on this post who are judging you and demeaning you for this are either living a pollyanna life or have never been through this.  When I went to therapy during my divorce, my therapist simply said that these thoughts should be used as an escape to blow off steam.  She said this was completely normal and understandable, especially since my ex was really a handful(read; psycho bitch) and absolutely weaponized the kids.  She did caution me on keeping it as an escape and treating it like a fantasy that never entered my real life.  I thought that was good advice.

2.  Live by the motto :When she goes low, I go high."  Don't stoop to whatever level she is at.  Always do the right thing and take the high road and never EVER say anything even REMOTELY negative about her to or within hearing distance of your kids.  When talking about her to/with your kids, use the same tone and perspective as if you were still happily married.

3.  Your kids come first and you should make every single decision with them in mind.  What would it benefit your kids to cause your stbx to be angry and stressed, which could possibly cause her to act out at your kids.  This is how my ex was; if the divorce was angering her she would yell at the kids and even lock them out of her apartment at times.

4.  After your kids, you are a very close second - so take care of yourself and focus on being positive.  Work out, socialize, earn more money, spend time with the kids.  As has been said here before, just live your best life and leave your stbx in the past.  She means nothing to you now other than being a co-parent.

5.  You need a decent relationship so you can co-parent your kids.  Also, have you considered future life events such as graduations, birthdays, weddings, grandchildren, etc?  It will be in your best interest if you can have a civil and even friendly relationship with your ex.  Otherwise can you image "Yeah dad, so because you and mom don't speak it would be awkward to have you both at the wedding/holiday/graduation/event.  I hope you understand and we will definitely get together to celebrate with you as well.  I Love you..."

6.  But stand firm on your positions regarding custody, asset division, and support.  Taking the high road does not mean you have to jeopardize yourself financially or with less custody time than you want.  Don't give blood money or give up custody just to keep the peace.  You owe your stbx nothing more than the minimum the laws state.

I am so much happier now that I have my life back and I hope you find a new life beyond divorce.  It's a horrible thing to go through but a far better alternative than staying in a bad marriage.[/quote]

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