Yikes.

You’ll end up making your own life and your kid’s lives miserable. This attitude is perhaps why she is divorcing you? The marriage didn’t work out - arbitrate a fair dissolution of assets and move on with your life, doing a good and responsible job of co-parenting. Nobody wants or likes a mean, vindictive man. You’re just ratcheting up the pain and harm, won’t end well for anyone.

Anonymous wrote:The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.

If you care this much, you still have strong feelings for her (or him). That’s for you to work on.

Lumineers fan?

go for 100% custody and then poison the kids against her. That will make her unhappy. This is what most ex wives do so turn about is fair game.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So harsh, ladies, please refrain from chucking those boulders from the balconies of your glass houses...

Simply marry a hotter, younger, sweeter woman who is the ultimate stepmom to your kids as they will communicate their adoration of her and the inevitable comparisons will irritate your ex. Live happily ever after, and be sure to occasionally post photos of your new, much better life on social media. If she cares, it will bother her. If it doesn't, your family and friends will love the updates.

Hot, young, sweet women don't want to marry someone with four kids.

Depends how much money he has.

OP, grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So harsh, ladies, please refrain from chucking those boulders from the balconies of your glass houses...

Simply marry a hotter, younger, sweeter woman who is the ultimate stepmom to your kids as they will communicate their adoration of her and the inevitable comparisons will irritate your ex. Live happily ever after, and be sure to occasionally post photos of your new, much better life on social media. If she cares, it will bother her. If it doesn't, your family and friends will love the updates.

Hot, young, sweet women don't want to marry someone with four kids.

If you are going to date, make sure your custody situation is smooth
Also, dont bring up your ex.

Op, my EXH ruined my life. Literally and physically and financially. He broke my heart and my soul. It was gruesome. So, I get the whole trying to punish someone. But I could never do it with him.But he had no problem trying to punish me. Because in his head, I was wrong, he was right.

Well, FF to now. The kids see through it. They don't respect his actions. They feel emotionally safe with me. What he broke in me, NO one can fix. But I told myself long ago, I'll not be held hostage. His actions and his words and his feelings are hi. They'll not dictate my life. You can ruin her, but she wins if you let her dictate your actions.

Look at yourself. What kind of person are you? And work on that. Maybe she'll get hers, maybe she won't. But she won't be ruling you.

Anonymous wrote:So harsh, ladies, please refrain from chucking those boulders from the balconies of your glass houses...

Simply marry a hotter, younger, sweeter woman who is the ultimate stepmom to your kids as they will communicate their adoration of her and the inevitable comparisons will irritate your ex. Live happily ever after, and be sure to occasionally post photos of your new, much better life on social media. If she cares, it will bother her. If it doesn't, your family and friends will love the updates.

Hot, young, sweet women don't want to marry someone with four kids.

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. Idk what your ex w did, but I do know some horrible women. So I am going to assume you're justified, which is a big assumption. But here goes:
1. Get in amazing shape. Truly amazing. Not just trim and toned but work on those biceps and shoulders so you're one of those guys who looks hot from behind. Get some retinol and use it every day. Consider botox. Botox also makes you look serene and relaxed so you'll look unfazed by your ex w and as though her absence has given you back several years.
2. Take up some kind of charity or humanitarian effort.
3. Up your style game.
4. Get promoted.

Okay once you have done all of this,

5. Start dating. Even with the 4 kids, women will adore you and you will end up with someone much better.

And this is just a tip. Go to church. Fix your insides.

To be honest, a guy with four kids is just not good dating material, I don't care how hot he looks.

As someone who is 2 years out from a "War Of the Roses" level divorce, I will offer the following.

1. It is completely understandable to have the attitude you currently have. All the people on this post who are judging you and demeaning you for this are either living a pollyanna life or have never been through this. When I went to therapy during my divorce, my therapist simply said that these thoughts should be used as an escape to blow off steam. She said this was completely normal and understandable, especially since my ex was really a handful(read; psycho bitch) and absolutely weaponized the kids. She did caution me on keeping it as an escape and treating it like a fantasy that never entered my real life. I thought that was good advice.

2. Live by the motto :When she goes low, I go high." Don't stoop to whatever level she is at. Always do the right thing and take the high road and never EVER say anything even REMOTELY negative about her to or within hearing distance of your kids. When talking about her to/with your kids, use the same tone and perspective as if you were still happily married.

3. Your kids come first and you should make every single decision with them in mind. What would it benefit your kids to cause your stbx to be angry and stressed, which could possibly cause her to act out at your kids. This is how my ex was; if the divorce was angering her she would yell at the kids and even lock them out of her apartment at times.

4. After your kids, you are a very close second - so take care of yourself and focus on being positive. Work out, socialize, earn more money, spend time with the kids. As has been said here before, just live your best life and leave your stbx in the past. She means nothing to you now other than being a co-parent.

5. You need a decent relationship so you can co-parent your kids. Also, have you considered future life events such as graduations, birthdays, weddings, grandchildren, etc? It will be in your best interest if you can have a civil and even friendly relationship with your ex. Otherwise can you image "Yeah dad, so because you and mom don't speak it would be awkward to have you both at the wedding/holiday/graduation/event. I hope you understand and we will definitely get together to celebrate with you as well. I Love you..."

6. But stand firm on your positions regarding custody, asset division, and support. Taking the high road does not mean you have to jeopardize yourself financially or with less custody time than you want. Don't give blood money or give up custody just to keep the peace. You owe your stbx nothing more than the minimum the laws state.

I am so much happier now that I have my life back and I hope you find a new life beyond divorce. It's a horrible thing to go through but a far better alternative than staying in a bad marriage.

The other woman wasn't the person who had a commitment with you. You don't have to like or deal with her. Treat her as though she's nothing and focus on yourself.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to make her life miserable try to convince her to get back with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Aren't you the ex-wife? Who is this other woman?
Shouldn't be mad at your ex-husband?

Why is your life ruined? Can't you stand up on your own?
You're not really painting a nice picture of yourself, OP.

I read this as OP is a divorcing love-scorned husband, divorcing a soon to be ex-wife that he wants to inflict misery upon as his 4 kids look on in horror.

No read again. It's a woman mad at the "other woman" - more so than mad at her ex who clearly was part of the break up of the marriage.

Op, seriously your best revenge is to live your best life and show them that they didn't destroy you. If you are angry and bitter, they will just laugh at you and your ex will know he did well by getting out of the marriage. If you go on to be happy and fulfilled, you'll come out smelling like roses.

I don’t know wtf you read, but it wasn’t the OP.

Anonymous wrote:The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference.

If you care this much, you still have strong feelings for her (or him). That’s for you to work on.

+1