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[quote=Anonymous]Ugh. So many intertwined issues here that need to be untangled I think.

As usual, forgive me for my northern European views that are unimpeded by puritanical upbringing, which seems to pervade even the most so-called progressive American families.

1. Teens are sexual beings. Male teens. Female teens. They are full of raging hormones. And yes, girls are just as "horny" and eager as boys, if not more so. Oh the countless classmates I undressed with my eyes and "saved for later" as part of my frequent self-pleasure rituals. As some of you are too keenly aware, especially those experiencing "dead bedrooms" due to mismatched libidos at home, we each have high and low libidos and unique sexual chemistry, and for women, this can be heavily influenced by our monthly cycle. Point is, OP's daughter is a healthy, sexual human being. Nothing inherently wrong here.

2. I hope OP began having talks with her daughter, not just about sex but also about a range of sensitive topics, since her daughter was young. There is never just one "the talk" but rather there should be a constant open flow of dialogue. I hope OP's daughter is well informed, not only about safe sex practices, but also norms of online security. Does OP's daughter feel empowered to ask for/seek birth control when she decides she is ready for sex? Does she feel she can talk to her parents about anything? Does she know she cannot send sexually explicit content of herself online as a minor? Does she know the consequences of teen pregnancy and contracting STDs/STIs? Does she know about the cost of raising a child? Does she understand the opportunity cost that having a child (or disease) would have on her future plans and dreams? Point is, OP's daughter should KNOW ALL OF THIS from her parents!

3. To an extent I agree with PP (11/04/2018 17:20). This connects with both #1 and #2 above. Does OP's daughter know masturbating is perfectly normal and healthy? Did OP ever shame her daughter for masturbating?  Maybe OP even "caught" her daughter in the act and punished her and thereby traumatized her and took away her only sexual outlet? Maybe she therefore felt compelled to think about engaging in sex with boys as her only "normal" sexual outlet to deal with her hormones? Or perhaps having sex is more about ego and peer status, which I am guessing is likely the case? While I "undressed" my classmates with my eyes and used them for fantasy-fodder, I did not lose my virginity until I was 20. I was of course always slightly envious of my many peers becoming "true women" at younger ages. (Of course it is a parent’s job to provide the real definition of what a “true woman” is and this has nothing to do with virginity or the lack thereof. Otherwise, I pretty much masturbated 2-4x a day from age 9 until age 18, easily. Yes, you read that correctly and I bet MANY women here were the same!

4. OP and her daughter have rules in terms of the use of iDevices, social media, etc. OP's daughter should understand why these rules exist (see #2) and the consequences of violating these rules. OP (and her husband) should now follow through with the consequences. Full stop. No one needs a smart phone; the world did function just fine before 2007. OP's daughter must work to regain her parent's trust. Conversely, rules may need to be relaxed - and trust granted by OP - as her daughter truly becomes a young adult. For example, if OP's daughter can pay for her phone and mobile service on her own then to a certain degree privacy must be granted on all levels except for the sharing of explicit visual content under the age of 18. On this point there can be no compromise.[/quote]

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