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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ll be honest - I wonder if part of this is family culture, that drove brother and SIL.

SO MANY people on the parent track start imposing on others who are childless, that this is the norm, and make you feel like crap for not adapting.

I can’t tell you how many times I was asked by family members who were parents “so when are you guys finally going to become parents?”, or subjected to rude comments about how we were old enough and apparently settled enough to stop being selfish, etc. and have kids already. Snide (but apparently joking) comments about being DINKS like the couple in Christmas Vacation, etc. Lectures about how awesome parenthood is, and being told I didn’t know love in it’s full capacity because I didn’t have kids yet. Wistful comments from the grandparents about how they had to give all of DHs old toys to his nieces and nephews because they might not be around one day to see any other of their grandchildren play with them.

It was only a few comments each time we visited, but it was EVERY time, and every phone call, and so pointed and made me feel so excluded from their little parent club. I skipped out on two major holidays because I really just didn’t want to be jabbed At for not being a mother “yet”.

I’ve since had DD. Of course, everyone is through the moon. They’ve tried to cultivate the relationship even more, but I’m done. I will make sure that DD has a relationship, but I’ll never forget that most of my value to them was to breed, instead of being a whole person. [/quote]

This was my experience too.  I already felt like crap, and then to be dinged by DH's family constantly was just too much.  And, I really didn't want to get into my fertility issues with DH's intrusive family.

My advice is to have compassion, forgive, and move on.  OP you can alienate her more or work towards becoming a family again.  Your choice.  [/quote]

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