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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t know about you, but my mom gets more time because she offers to HELP.

Like when I’m sick, she’s offers to take the kids so I can nap.

Or comes for an afternoon and take them to lunch and the park so I can go do things.

Or just ASKS, “Need any help this week? I can come watch the kids if you do!”

— I’d never turn down help, but MIL can’t be bothered. She’s never, not once, offered to just watch the kids on any terms that don’t benefit HER. In fact, once when I was dealing with a parent in the hospital and another who was injured at home, she asked when planned on accommodating HER!

So she is limited to the visits WE plan with her. But she’s welcome to come over anytime![/quote]

I totally agree with this. My mom is the same way, but my mil seems like she could care less. A picture and a yearly visit, is more than enough for her.  My husband has to practically beg her to come visit, and she often makes a lame excuse about why she can't.  The friends I know whose MIL's have a lot of access to the grandkids and spend a lot of time with them, are the ones that offer help and don't make things about them.  These mil's genuinely enjoy spending time with their son, DIL, and grandkids, and are helpful without being overbearing. [/quote]

I understand both of you completely.  The question, though, that you need to ask and answer very honestly is this: do you let your mom get away with things that would annoy you to high heavens in your MIL? In other words...are your standards of acceptable behavior identical for your MIL and your mom? Or does mom get a break because she's mom?

I'm not blaming, please understand. Just trying to be honest.  [/quote]
Absolutely not! I’ve been known to get on my mom about her shortcomings. In fact, I probably, out of respect for my husband, turn a blind eye to some of my MILs nonsense. It’s not worth the fight; MIL is horrible for holding a grudge. On the contrary, my mom and I fight it out, apologize and move on. Done. [/quote]

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