Reply to In case anyone still thinks spanking is okay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It may be that people are viewing the same term with different meanings.  I would never spank my kids the way I was spanked. I got the whole - come over here and bend over and five whacks from my dad (lucky me, family #2 and my mom wouldn’t let him use the belt like he did on my older half sibs). I have (but don’t anymore because it isn’t effective) swatted my kids on the butt when they were doing something unsafe or overly disrespectful and were not responding to more subtle redirection.  I have a healthy relationship with my kids and they both love being around me and they both confide in me.[/quote]

NP here who agrees with this poster.  We actually only just started spanking our almost 4 year old.  We thought long and hard about it and the method to use when spanking as well as what types of behavior deserve a spank.  We have chosen to spank for consistent disobedient behavior.  We are Christian and apply many of the methods suggested by other Christian authors whereby you take the child to a private location, explain why they are getting spanked, spank and then explain again why they were spanked, hug, and then its over and done with.  No more dwelling on the incident.  It's still early on but surprisingly, we are having to spank a lot less than I expected and the alternative approaches (yelling, screaming, time outs etc. have also diminished in frequency).  Again, it's still early on but I've been surprised how our child approaches the spanking as well as the aftermath.  It has been more effective than the behavior that would result from all the previous back and forth we used to do.  In all honesty, a great deal of the crying occurs before the actually spanking (it seems just the thought/knowledge that he is about to be spanked does a number on him).  There is a small window when you can effectively spank and we've been told that that is usually only up until 8 or 9 at most after which the kid is really too big to spank (which I can imagine).  Again, to each their own.  Having been on both sides of the fence on this issue I can tell you it is not as simple as black and white nor is it abuse as many people have stated on this forum.  Honestly, I think and know of quite a number of people who do spank and we are high SES families who love our kids. I think most don't waste their time getting involved in the back and forth discussion on the issue in these types of forums.  I don't plan on commenting any more about this either but wanted to at least respond as I appreciated the pp comments.[/quote]

There are plenty of parenting decisions we all make that taken in isolation probably aren't very consequential to kids lives. Sure, letting your kid do nothing but watch TV all day long is bad...but obviously some TV here and there, no problem...generally speaking, in families that provide love, affection, and stimulation for kids the kids are going to be okay. So on these boards, a lot of times people come out and point to all the literature about physical punishment being bad for kids and they say "we only do it a little" or "I know plenty of kids who get spanked and are fine" - and yes, that is all true. So if you do it in the context of a loving home with the other necessary supports, fine, it probably won't do lasting damage to your children. And sure, all of us do what we need to do some days to get through as parents. But what I don't understand is how, sitting back, anyone can really argue that spanking is something they want to use with their child. There is very little to no research to suggest it is effective. And to the extent that we all spend lots of time thinking about the "best" inputs for our kids...what kind of lesson do they learn when we show them it is okay to hit someone. Regardless the reason. The country spends all this time now obsessing over teaching kids about consent and respecting their bodies and then we as parents think it's okay to hit our kids? When adults in our lives do things we don't like would we ever consider it's okay to hit them? Kids are learning, all the time, about power dynamics, about respect, about how to have loving relationships--with themselves, their peers, their families--and I don't know why we would want to show them that it is ever okay to hit in the context of a loving relationship. Sure, kids need boundaries and rules and we need to enforce those rules, but there are many, many ways to do that.[/quote]

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