Reply to My 30 something brother is homeless and is ruining everyone's lives

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[quote=Anonymous]Long time member of Al-Anon here  (19 years).   Sadly, I have heard variations of your story in the rooms of Al-Anon.

Many posters here have advised you to attend Al-Anon meetings.  Of course I second the motion.  Whether your brother stays in AZ or not, the program of Al-Anon helps with setting boundaries with anyone:  addicts, alcoholics, telemarketers, enabling relatives who want you to enable them so they can enable addicts, rude people in line at the grocery checkout, co-workers, neighbors, etc.

It is hard to explain, really, how Al-Anon can be a benefit.  We don't offer a magic potion that can cure the addict.  We are not a bunch of cheerleaders cheering on the addicts in recovery.  We don't sit around bitching about the addict.  So what good is it to attend Al-Anon?  I think the number one thing, for myself, and for most of us who attend, is that it is safe there.  Everyone else is familiar with the craziness that is going on in our lives, and no one judges us for what is going on in our lives. It is so liberating to be able to talk about what is going on with people who understand what we are going through.

I like Al-Anon better than going to therapy.  The meetings are usually held in the evening so you don't have to take time off work, you don't have to file insurance paperwork,  there is a simple donation basket in the middle of the table as opposed to the $90 an hour for therapy. And we sometimes go out to eat afterward. You can go to 1 meeting in your lifetime, or you can go to meetings every day of your life for the rest of your life.

I find it heartbreaking how many family members put their own lives on hold and spend years devoted to trying to fix the alcoholic or addict.  The reality is that 90 percent of addicts and alcoholics continue to use until they die.  An addict's primary relationship is with the drugs.  They will destroy anything and anyone who interferes with that primary relationship.  And they will also use up  anyone who facilitates that primary relationship.

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