Reply to Neighborhood mom upset her daughter was not invited to birthday party

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People are allowed to throw the parties they want for their kids, in whatever manner and style they wish, with the guest list they choose. What is with this entitlement of my kid should be invited to every party? It's utter crap and contributes to all the candy-ass kids falling apart when the least thing doesn't go their way as adults. Sure, it sucks not to be invited but THAT'S LIFE.

As adults do we invite every adult we know? Nope. How did we learn to survive the blow? By experiencing it in childhood in the safety of our parents' care when they could explain to us that not everyone gets invited to everything.[/quote]

100% this.

OP, it sucks to be excluded, but the reality is that not every guest list can accommodate every person that your child is friends with.

In an adult example of the situation, a woman who is a really good friend did not invite me to her wedding. We had been close for about 6 months before the wedding occurred. Wedding was not small and people we were friends with (who had been friends with her longer than I had) were invited. Instead of distancing myself from my friend or talking about her behind her back, I congratulated her on getting married, asked if I could take her and her DH out for drinks to celebrate with them when they got back from honeymoon, and moved on with my life.[/quote]

Did they go out for drinks with you?  [/quote]

Yes, and we have been good friends for 10 years and she flat out told me that she felt bad at the time for not inviting me, but that the guest list had been set, had little wiggle room, and she appreciates me not taking it personally, since it wasn't personal.

That's how adults handle situations like that.[/quote]

This is how stuff like this needs to be handled.  Bravo, PP, for your mature response.  You hadn't known her for years - you had just met this woman after the guest list was set.

I'm torn on this situation - I think it was kind of shitty to not invite the 4th girl, especially if all of the girls play together, because you ARE setting the stage for exclusion.  I do think the mom could handle the situation better with her daughter, though.  I am also of the mindset that you should invite who you want.  However, at this age, and in this situation, I would have added the 4th girl.  [/quote]

I'm the PP who didn't get invited to the wedding.

I don't know what I would have done with the birthday party situation in the OP. For me, the $150 price tag is a complicating factor. That's a lot of money. (I wouldn't have spent $150/kid on a birthday party anyway, but that's neither here nor there in this situation.) I do think that it sets the neighborhood girls up for future conflict, but I think that it's also completely understandable. I think that the OP put her daughter in a crappy position of having to exclude a friend without giving her the tools to understand that that's what she was doing. Knowing how hit or miss my own daughter is with social graces at this age, I would have expected something like this to happen and would have tried to prepare her the same way I do at school when she doesn't invite the whole class - "Not everyone in your class was invited to your birthday party, and that is fine, but it's important to try not to talk about how much fun you had around people who were not invited so that they do not feel sad about being excluded."[/quote]

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