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[quote=Anonymous]WHen my father was diagnosed with stage 4squamous skin cancer, we moved him up to my house so that I could take him to daily radiation treatments (he was too weak for chemo).  He lived 6-7 hours drive away and I could not leave my family for the 8-10weeks that would involve (surgery, recovery,radiation). We had just decided the month before that my father would move into Vinson Hall as soon as we could sell his house- so it provided a way to have him move earlier and establish doctors immediately.  My sister had just had a mastectomy and was undergoing chemo herself and thus could not help with any of the heavy lifting.  This is what my sister and Dad did when my Dad moved in with my family for what ended up to be the last nine months of his life:

1) She insisted that my Dad write a check to me every month "representing" the amount he would have to pay when he finally moved into the planned CCC near us.  My father wholeheartedly agreed.  I had to be worn down, but in the end negotiated a smaller amount, but still something.  My sister proved to be correct, our expenses ended up increasing about $1k per month and while we could afford it- not having to helped.  It also helped psychologically because it showed that my sister (and Dad) acknowledged the effort we were doing and it made me feel more valued.  We put the remaining $ into our then freshman at college's 529.

2) Once her chemo allowed, she came down once a month, then every two weeks to visit and/or to allow DH and I to get away.  On one trip we took our other son on college tours during spring break and on another we drove to pick up our older son at the end of his freshman year.  Sometimes she brought her family.

3) She Facetimed at least once a day.  She had her children FaceTime several times a week.  She sent postcards.  SHe had other people send postcards.

4) She wanted to be informed as much as possible and we did discussed treatments with her.

5) She brought fun things and practical things every time she visited.

It was still a very long slog and emotionally draining.  My father never made it to Vinson Hall and died in our bedroom.  Peacefully and with family - my sister and her family were down for the weekend (pre planned, it just worked out that way).  We did not have a funeral.  My father was feted before we left his home and had had a chance to say goodbye to his friends there.  His two brothers had visited in our home before he died.  We had a memorial luncheon at a local restaurant with local family and close friends.  We had found some of his letters that repriesented many stages of his life and I read them between courses.  It was intimate and meaningful.  We buried him next to my mother the next month in the Midwest town my mother had grown up.

After reading the relationships that other people have n this site and specifically in this thread, I am grateful for my sister and my relationship and friendship.

He died 18 months ago.  It looks like we are going to finally sell his house- settlement date is at the end of the month.  (DH was fantastic during this time too, but this thread is about siblings.)[/quote]

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